


The Auburn Sky

by DolphinSpirit



Series: Opposites Attract [1]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Child Abuse, Child Neglect, Developing Relationship, First Kiss, First Love, First Time, Fluff, Friendship, M/M, Original Character(s), Orphans, Romance, Servants, Smut, artist, juvenile delinquent, sweet romance, tragic past
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-20
Updated: 2017-05-25
Packaged: 2018-11-02 21:06:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 35,976
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10952739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DolphinSpirit/pseuds/DolphinSpirit
Summary: James Evans had no life beyond his best friend and his art. He knew how empty his life was but didn't know how to step out of his shell, until he met Kevin Turner. Kevin was everything James dreamed of and wanted to be. Adventurous, sweet and able to accept and understand James the way few people could. James thought their relationship was perfect, until he realized that his insecurities and past won't go away that easily.





	1. Chapter 1

James walked down the crowded shopping street, lost in thought. He had no destination in mind or any desire to go anywhere specific. He'd been sitting at home, reading a book when he felt inexplicably restless.

He had stamped down the urge to call his best friend Mark as he knew it was movie night and he would be busy watching the latest kids movie with his wife and daughter.

With no one else to call and no idea what he wanted to do, James had found himself suddenly leaving the house, driving downtown, and proceeded to walk around aimlessly.

Being alone was nothing new to James. He'd been alone his whole life, even before his parents had died in a car crash coming back from a dinner party when he was eighteen. His parents had always been too busy with their own careers to spend time with their only son. James spent more birthdays and holiday seasons alone with his butler than he had with his parents.

The only person he had ever connected with was Mark whom he met in high school. Even though the two were different and had nothing in common, Mark had approached James first and pursued the friendship. Until now, James had thought it was enough. But as Mark moved on, married, and had a child, he had less time to spend with James. And occasionally, as it did this evening, the oppressive loneliness of being locked up in his own home became too much to bear.

Mark was right, he needed more in his life. He needed to meet other people, to have fun. Only problem was, he didn't know how.

Suddenly, James felt his body jerk back as someone bumped into him roughly.  
“Sorry,” the other person mumbled before they continued walking past.

James stared at the retreating figure, getting jostled by more people as he stood alone in the midst of the ongoing crowd. It looked like a man, wearing black jeans and a black hoodie with the hood up.

Feeling a strange suspicion, James reached into his coat pocket, and discovered that his wallet was missing. He felt a surge of panic as he remembered that he'd placed the antique ring he'd bought Mark's wife Sarah for her birthday inside his wallet earlier that day. He hadn't been happy with any of the ring boxes and simply placed it in a small paper bag before putting it in his wallet.

James quickly started weaving through the crowd, trying to keep the pickpocket in sight. He saw the man turn down an alleyway and followed him.

As soon as he turned the corner and walked a few feet into the alley James realized he was probably making a big mistake. But the ring was one of a kind and he really wanted to give it to Sarah.

'Stop thief,' James called out.

The figure spun around. 'Who you calling a thief!'

James swallowed, pushed his fear into that box where he shoved most of his emotions, and stepped forward.

'You are. You just took my wallet.'

The hooded figure laughed, 'You have no proof. If you're missing your wallet, you probably dropped it.'

James stepped forward and stretched out his hand, 'I must ask that you return my wallet immediately. There is something very important inside it.'

The hooded figure suddenly charged at James, grabbed him by the lapels and shoved him against the wall. James felt a surge of fear as he felt his back hit the wall behind him. He was also very aware of how much taller his assailant was. James looked up into the face under the hood but could only see a weak jawline covered with tufts of hair. James fought the urge to pull back and schooled his features to hide his fear. He wouldn’t let the man have the satisfaction of knowing how useless and powerless he made James feel. He grabbed the man's wrist with his right hand. 'If you let me go and return my wallet I won't press charges. You can even keep the money in my wallet. I just want what's inside it.'

The man growled and raised his fist, coiling his arm back to punch James in the face. James steeled himself, ready for the blow when suddenly the man's arm was grabbed and twisted behind his back. The man yelped and released James before he was shoved face first against the wall.

'Now that wasn't a very nice thing to do,' the new arrival said.

James glanced at the man holding the thief against the wall. He was taller than the thief, probably almost six feet tall, with dark brown hair, and blue eyes. Objectively speaking James noticed how handsome the man was with a strong chiselled jaw with a bit of stubble on it.

'Now give the man back his wallet.'

The thief reached into his pocket with his free hand, pulled out the wallet and held it out to James who took it, quickly checking that the ring was still inside.

'Are you alright sir?' the man asked James. James looked up and noticed the man was pulling out a pair of handcuffs from his pocket.

'You're a police officer,” James stated.

The man grinned as he handcuffed the criminal. 'Yup, Officer Kevin Turner at your service. I actually work in the Juvie section but arresting adults is fun every once in awhile. I saw this guy picking your pocket and was trying to get to him when you chased him down. You gave me a big shock. Didn't think a small guy like you would confront a thief.”

James felt a prickle of annoyance, “My size does not diminish my ability to demand what is mine.”

Kevin chuckled, 'Sorry sorry. I didn't mean anything by it.” He smiled admiringly at James, “I'm actually impressed. Most people wouldn't bother chasing down a criminal. That's all.”

He pulled the criminal away from the wall and spun him around to face James. 'What do you say we go down to the station and you can press charges.”

James eyed the police officer, Kevin, noticed the gleam of excitement in his eye, and suddenly felt he had somewhere to go.

“Alright.”

 

 

 

James had never been in a police station before and couldn’t stop looking around at all the hustle and bustle around him. The officer, Kevin, had led him to the main reception and told him to wait while he took the thief to the jail cell. James tried to appear calm as he looked at all the men answering phone calls at their desks, talking to criminals in handcuffs, bringing in criminals. There was so much noise and motion James would have called it complete chaos if he didn’t notice the pattern that actually underlined everything. James did his best to memorize every detail for later.

“Sorry about that, took awhile to get him into a cell,” Kevin said as he sauntered back. He gestured with his thumb over his shoulder, “My desk is this way.” 

James followed Kevin down a series of corridors, noticing the various rooms they passed. They finally entered a room with a sign that said “Juvenile Division.” James followed Kevin to a desk that had his nameplate on it and sat down, keeping his back straight. 

“Alright, let’s get the formalities over with,” Kevin said pulling out a form. “Name?” 

“James Evans.” 

“Age?”

“Twenty-eight.”

Kevin looked up and smiled, “One year younger than me. You don’t look it. I thought you were in your early-twenties.” 

“Is that bad?” James asked carefully. 

Kevin chuckled, “You kidding? Everyone wants to looks younger. People usually pay a crap load of money so they can look five years younger. Doesn’t look like you will have to though.” 

James didn’t know how to respond so he just nodded. Kevin reminded him of Mark, but more hyper. He wasn’t sure how to handle him. Kevin continued asking James about his address and contact information. It was all going smoothly until they actually got to the part where James described being pickpocketed.

“So why did you run after him?” Kevin asked curiously, twirling his pen. 

James found himself looking at Kevin’s fingers. They were long and strong, not short and slim like his. “There was something important inside that I needed.” 

“What was it, if you don’t mind me asking?”

James pulled his wallet out of his pocket and showed Kevin the ring. Kevin whistled and James felt a rush of satisfaction. It really was a beautiful ring with a simple gold band and a red ruby at the center. 

“For your girlfriend?” Kevin asked. 

“I don’t have a girlfriend. This is for my best friend’s wife. It’s her birthday and she had been looking for a ring like this for a long time.” 

Kevin stared at James, causing him to squirm in his seat nervously. He wasn’t used to such attention. He was usually the one staring at others, trying to memorize everyone’s movements. Considering how shy and awkward he was, being stared at so intently made him very uncomfortable. 

“He could have really hurt you. If I hadn’t stepped in he was going to punch you. Why didn’t you just back down?”

“There’s no guarantee that if I showed fear and tried to leave he wouldn’t attack me. It’s possible if he sensed how weak I am he would have attacked me and stolen more. It’s never a good idea to show your weaknesses and fear to people. They tend to latch onto them and use them against you.” 

Kevin continued staring at James for a few seconds then smiled, “I agree. It’s always better to show a strong front. Especially coming from someone like you with your height and face, it’s a bit disconcerting for people who are used to scaring others.”

James felt shocked at Kevin’s words. He’d expected a scolding to leave such matter to the police or to know when to back down. No one really noticed the times James tried to be brave and praised him for it. He found himself smiling softly.

“Now that’s a nice look. You should smile more.” James looked up and saw Kevin smiling broadly. He couldn’t help smiling back. This evening truly had been the most exciting one he’d had in a long time. 

 

 

 

Two hour later, Kevin walked out of his car and walked up the staircase to his apartment. He couldn't help grinning as he thought about the strange man he had saved that evening. James had been detached and aloof the entire time he gave his statement, as if he wasn't robbed and threatened in a dark alley. For such a small guy he packed a lot of courage.

Kevin began whistling as he recalled James's bright green eyes, almost jet black hair and delicate features. Pretty guys like him weren't usually Kevin's type, but he was a sucker for people who stood up for themselves. And his smile had been so adorable, Kevin couldn’t help wanting to see it more. What would it be like if he smiled fully? Or laughed? The curiosity was killing him and he wondered if it would be weird if he gave the guy a call and asked him out.

'What took you so long?” a young voice asked from the couch as Kevin walked into his apartment.

'Didn't know you were going to be here,” Kevin replied as he flopped onto the couch.

The young boy shrugged. 'You said I could come anytime. Figured since you're not dating anyone right now I didn't have to call.”

Kevin looked out of the corner of his eye at the fourteen year-old boy. His name was Miles Carter, a former juvenile delinquent Kevin was in charge of. Miles had been twelve when Kevin had first met him after he had been arrested for shoplifting. It hadn't been the boy's first arrest either. Kevin had taken one look at Mile's defensive posture and the scared look in his eyes and decided he'd help Miles in any way he could. He wasn't the only kid Kevin was in charge of, but there was something special about Miles that made Kevin go the extra mile for him.

'No problem. That's why I gave you a key.” Kevin smiled as he ruffled the kid's hair.

“What were you whistling for?” Miles asked as he swatted Kevin's hand away.

'Oh, nothing. Just met someone interesting tonight,” Kevin stated smiling broadly.

'Ugh, you found someone else to fall head over heels in love with didn't you,” Miles asked with disgust.  
“Guy or girl?”

“Guy. And if you saw him you'd know why. He's- different.”

“Different how?”

Kevin's eyes became unfocused as he recalled James's face. His lips had been an enticing light pink. They looked soft too. Kevin imagined kissing those lips, sinking into them when he was jostled by a kick from Miles.

“Pervert.”

Kevin smiled broadly, ruffled Miles's hair one more time despite the boy's protests and went off to shower before bed.

 

 

James sharpened his pencil before going back to drawing broad strokes on the fresh canvas he'd just set up. He'd been sketching an outline of his new painting for hours, ever since he got home from the police station. There was something about that police officer that had made James long to pick up his tools and draw. It had been awhile since James was so inspired. He still didn't know what he wanted to draw yet, but he couldn't get the man's face out of his mind. His height, his piercing blue eyes which had been lighter than he thought once he saw them in the station's bright lights. That smile, that reached his eyes and spoke of laughter and joy.

James felt his stomach tighten as he recalled the man's rumbling laughter. He threw his pencil down and stared at the rough sketches he'd made, feeling a strong flash of anger as he couldn't capture the man's presence as he'd wanted.

He wanted to sketch him, paint him, capture the life in those eyes. But how?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first time posting one of my original stories. I hope you like reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. I came up with James and Kevin's characters years ago and came up with so many stories for them, and this is the one I ended up writing. 
> 
> Please feel free to leave comments or questions. I'm eager to hear what other people think of my story. I actually finished writing it and just editing now so I'll be updating as I go.


	2. Chapter 2

“Miles, hurry up or you'll be late for school,” Kevin called out as he poured coffee into his mug.

“Alright already. Keep your shirt on,” Miles answered from the bathroom.

Kevin picked up his phone and looked up James's phone number. He'd been rehearsing various speeches in his head all night and he still didn't know how to ask James out. Kevin wasn't sure if James was attracted to men. Kevin was usually good at reading people, he had to for his job. But James was like a closed book, keeping all his emotions and facial expressions tightly controlled. Truth be told that was part of his appeal. Kevin smiled, thinking of how much fun it would be to crack James's stoic persona when his phone rang. Kevin's eyes widened with shock and he nearly dropped his mug when he saw James's name appear on his screen.

“Hello,” Kevin said, hoping he sounded confident.

“Hello Mr. Turner,” James's cool voice replied. “This is James Evans. I hope I am not disturbing you. You said I could call you anytime.”

“No, no trouble at all,” Kevin hastily replied, wincing at how desperate he may have sounded. He took a deep breath to control his roiling emotions. 'What can I do for you Mr. Evans?”

There was a short pause at the end of the line before James spoke again, “I am working on a project. It revolves around police officers and I was wondering if I can meet with you sometime to discuss your work.”

Kevin racked his brain, trying to remember what James listed as his occupation on his form last night. Kevin was sure it said 'Self-employed.' What could James's job be? And did he care right now? The man was frickin asking him out! Well, not on a date, but still. Beggars can't be choosers.

“I understand if this is an inconvenience for you,” James's voice broke through Kevin's thoughts, “Sorry to call,”

“No!” Kevin called out. “It's not inconvenient. I was just going through my calendar and I seem to be free this evening. How about I meet you at Amicis. It's a nice little Italian restaurant on Shepherd Street.”

James was quiet for a moment and Kevin was beginning to worry that his excitement was showing and scared the quiet man off.

“Tonight at Amici's sounds good. I will meet you there at six?”

“Sure, six sounds great. I clock off at five so I should have plenty of time to get there.”

“If it's too far for you, we can meet somewhere closer to your station. Or we can meet another time when it’s more convenient,” James said.

“No no. Amici's is fine. It's not too far. Don't worry about it.” Kevin rolled his eyes, disgusted by how desperate he sounded. This is not how he imagined this phone call going at all!

“Alright then. I'll see you at six. Good-bye Mr. Turner.”

“Good-bye” Kevin said. He'd barely hung up before he dropped the phone on the counter and leaned forward, expelling a deep breath.

“What the hell was that about?”

Kevin looked up and saw Miles staring at him in bewilderment.

Kevin wiped a non-existent speck off the kitchen counter. 'Nothing. If you're ready I'll drive you to school.”

 

At six on the dot, James walked through the main doors of Amici's. He didn't know the restaurant and had to look it up several times to make sure he knew how to get to it. He'd actually arrived at five, worried he'd get lost on the way even with the precise directions he'd gotten off Google Maps. It wouldn't be the first time.

He'd sat in his car for an hour, trying to calm himself enough to face Kevin. His hands had been shaking like crazy the whole time he'd been on the phone. He didn't think it reflected in his voice but he wasn't so sure he could control himself when facing Kevin directly.

James took a deep breath and looked around the restaurant. It was a small place, obviously family run based on the family pictures placed on the walls. James was led to a table by the hostess and was just unfolding his menu when Kevin came through the door. James felt that strange tightening in his stomach he felt the first time he met Kevin in that dark alley. It had to be those eyes. They seemed to pierce right through James which intrigued and terrified him.

'Hey. Did you wait long?” Kevin asked as he sat in front of James.

James swallowed, shoved his nerves into his box, and replied in a calm voice, “No, I just got here myself.”

“Great. I was held up a bit at work but I rushed over as soon as I was done.”

“If you have to get back to work I understand. We can just reschedule.”

Kevin looked at James in shock, “No it's fine. I finished the paperwork and now I'm free.”

James nodded and looked down at his menu.

“Do you always do that?” Kevin asked curiously.

James didn't look up, “Do what?”

“Think of yourself as an intrusion.”

James looked up at Kevin, feeling a jolt of apprehension at the man's serious expression.

“It's just that, that's the second time today where you backed down and told me to put my job first. I'm starting to see a pattern.”

James felt Kevin's eyes piercing into his own and he felt a pang of discomfort. He grasped his water glass and took a big gulp.

“I guess you could say it's a situation I'm familiar with. My parents both worked and to them work was always a priority.”

Kevin continued to stare at James for a few seconds, then suddenly smiled, “Well, I may love my job but I definitely won't prioritize it over you. As long as there isn't an emergency of course.”

“You mentioned yesterday that you work in the Juvenile Division. What's that like?”

Kevin was about to make his regular reply about how great his job is, but the serious look in James's eyes stopped him. James had shared something about himself already, it wouldn't be fair if Kevin didn't do the same. “It's tough. You see kids who come from difficult situations. Sometimes they can get their lives on track, sometimes they can't. And the worst part is, it isn't always their fault.”

“Of course not. They are just children. There's only so much a child can do,” James stated simply. “Adults seem to think if a child wants to they can change but that's not always true. The environment around the child makes a difference and inevitably controls how that child will end up.”

Kevin stared at James, shocked by how closely James's response mirrored his own feelings. “Exactly.”  
The two stared at each other for a few seconds before the waiter came to take their order.

They spent the rest of the meal discussing Kevin's work, the types of cases he got, some of his successes and some of his failures. During the entire conversation James's expressions barely changed. But his questions were inquisitive and straight to the point, his comments sympathetic and logical, betraying how deeply the other man truly felt. The more he talked and listened to James, the more Kevin became attracted to him. There was more to James than met the eye. He wasn't just a cold person with a pretty face, and Kevin wanted to peel back all the layers and discover the gem that he suspected hid behind that cold facade.

James insisted on paying for the meal as he had been the one to invite Kevin, prompting Kevin to say, “Then I get to pay for our next meal.”

James looked up from signing the receipt to look at Kevin and he saw a glimpse of interest and longing in James's eyes.

“That sounds lovely,” James said, the edges of his lips tipping up in a small smile. Kevin felt his heartbeat quicken at the gentle smile and suddenly found himself grasping James's hand.

“I mean a date. Not just two friends spending time together.” Kevin felt the hand within his own spasm briefly and noticed James's neck tighten. “If that's alright.”

Kevin stared into James's eyes, trying to communicate all the longing he felt for the other man. After a few seconds James finally replied, “I think that would be acceptable.”

Kevin released the breath he hadn't known he'd been holding and smiled broadly, squeezing James's hand, pretending not to notice the other man's hand trembling slightly.

 

Two days later, James was driving to Mark's house for Sarah's birthday lunch and still couldn't believe he'd agreed to go on a date with Kevin. He'd enjoyed listening to the cop's stories about his various cases, trying his best to be a good audience. Not that he needed to try hard. Kevin wasn't joking when he said he loved his job, his pride obvious as he talked about the kids he'd helped get on the straight and narrow, and bitter and helpless when talking about the kids that didn't.

Despite himself, James had felt himself drawn more and more to Kevin, pulled in by the raw emotions Kevin openly displayed. It was a quality James himself did not possess nor knew how to cultivate. When Kevin had asked him out, James had been shocked and terrified. How could he, the person who could barely talk to strangers, date someone?

He was still pondering his dilemma as he approached Mark's small townhouse and knocked on the door. The door had barely opened when he felt something slam into his stomach and small arms wrapped around his legs.

'Uncle James!' exclaimed a high pitched voice.

James smiled gently as he looked down at Mark's four year old daughter who beamed back at him. 'Hello Rose. Are you excited about your mother's birthday?'

Rose jumped up and down while nodding her head in excitement. “Daddy and I blew up a bunch of balloons. And I made drawings to decorate, and-'

“You can tell Uncle James all about the party arrangements inside Rose,” Mark's amused voice broke in. James looked up and saw his long time friend smile humorously as he stepped forward and patted his daughter's head.

Rose grasped James's hand and towed him into the living room. James barely managed to greet a beaming four-months pregnant Sarah before Rose gave him a tour of the now festive living room. After ten minutes of Rose chattering non-stop, Sarah finally took pity on James and asked her daughter to help her bring the drinks from the kitchen.

Mark chuckled as he and James sat down on the couch, “She never lets up on you does she?”

“God knows why?” James replied ruefully.

Mark started and looked at James seriously, causing James to squirm in his seat.

“It's been awhile since you criticize yourself, at least in front of me. Want to tell me what's going on?”

James never had been good at hiding his feelings from Mark. Part of his apprehension in coming today was having Mark pry into feelings he didn't understand himself. James barely opened his mouth to answer him, unsure what he would say, when Rose walked back into the room, carrying a small tray with drinks.

James felt Mark touch his shoulder briefly and murmur, “Later.” James nodded weakly, happy with the slight reprieve so he could figure out what he would say to Mark.

Unfortunately, he didn't have a lot of time to think between Rose telling him about her latest adventures at nursery, Sarah sharing her work stories at the antique shop, eating lunch and going through the birthday rituals. James felt himself swell with pride when Sarah opened the antique box he had put her birthday ring in, smiling as she exclaimed over and admired the antique red ruby.

“What are you doing? Making me look bad?” Mark said in exasperation.

Sarah laughed gently, “Relax Mark. I love the antique quills you got me. James just remembered how I admired this ring during one of our lunch dates.”

“First my daughter and now my wife. You trying to steal my family Evans?” Mark joked.

“It's not my fault the women in your life enjoy my company,” James replied offhandedly, earning a light punch on the arm from his friend.

The comfortable atmosphere continued as they ate cake and Sarah and Mark went to the kitchen to clean up. Twenty minutes later, Mark came back to the living room and found James reading a book, Rose asleep with her head in his lap.

'Guess she wore herself out huh?”

James gently patted Rose's head and smiled down at the sleeping child. “It always amazes me how she can be bouncing off the walls one minute and dead asleep the next.”

James felt the couch dip slightly as Mark sat down next to him. The room was silent and James began to feel nervous again.

“You're not going to let it go are you?” James asked looking up at Mark's serious expression.

“Not a chance in hell. So you gonna spill or will I have to force it out of you?”

James took a deep breath and sank back into the couch. “I'm going on a date.”

“'You serious?” Mark exclaimed. “Who? How? When?'

“Which question do you want me to answer first?” James asked, slightly amused by his friends nonplussed expression despite himself.

“Just spill it Evans,” Mark demanded.

James recounted how he'd met Kevin a few days ago, how he'd been fascinated by the other man and called him, how their conversation had just seemed to flow and Kevin had asked him out. Mark listened to the entire story in silence, his body barely moving.

“And? How do you feel?”

James took a deep shuddering breath, “Nervous. Anxious. But...also excited.” James glanced up at Mark and the words came rushing out. “I've never met anyone like him before. He's so different from me. I get that's mostly why I'm attracted to him. But then again I haven't been attracted to many people in my life.”

“Well, there was that football player in high school, and your senior in the art department in college. But you never made a move. I'm surprised you made one now.”

James nodded, “I know. I'm pretty surprised myself. I don't know what came over me. I just....” James paused briefly as he tried to find the right words, “I felt that if I didn't do anything I'd regret it. I still don't know if this will go well or if he'll even want to go on a second date with me. I don't even know why he wants to now.”

“Don't do that,” Mark said in a tight voice. James ducked his head, not shocked by his friends strong reaction. He always got angry whenever James tore himself down.

“Don't assume no one cares about you. I have a wife in the kitchen who goes out with you every week because according to her, she feels she can be herself around you and a daughter who would give you her favorite toys every time you came to visit. You mean the world to all of us. So don't you dare reject all the love we have given you and tear yourself down. Understand?”

James felt his eyes tear up as he listened to Mark's speech and a lump form in his throat. He nodded, unable to speak as he struggled to control his emotions. Mark and his family meant the world to him. And the fact that they had embraced him and include him in their weekly lunches and treated him like family meant everything to him. He never took their affection for granted, but being bluntly told how much they care was a bit too much to handle.

Mark sighed and stared at the ceiling, “Although, I do pity the poor bastard.”

James looked at Mark questioningly and Mark glanced down and smiled, “If this guy wants you, he's going to have to go through Sarah and Rose first.”

Mark laughed and James found himself chuckling as well, momentarily forgetting his anxiety about his date with Kevin next weekend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't decide who I love more in this chapter, Kevin for being so adorable and nervous, Rose for being so cute, or Mark for being such an amazing friend. 
> 
> Up next, James and Kevin's first date!


	3. Chapter 3

Kevin checked his watch for the fourth time in the last two minutes and fidgeted nervously. James had left the planning of their date up to him and although Kevin had been excited about his plan, he wasn't so sure anymore. He didn't know much about James but he could tell how sheltered the man was. The polite and reserved way he spoke and controlled expressions belied a privileged upbringing. James probably wasn't used to brash and down to earth guys like Kevin. But rather than frighten him off, their differences just intrigued him more. What would it be like to make that bland face laugh? The image was too enticing to let go.

'Sorry I'm late. I got a bit lost.”

Kevin looked up and saw James a few feet away from him.

“No worries. I wasn't waiting very long.”

Kevin saw what looked like slight annoyance on James's face. It was subtle and if he hadn't looked closely he would have missed it.

“It's really O.K. I wasn't waiting long. You don't have to look upset,” Kevin said reassuringly.

James started, “You knew I was upset?”

Kevin barked with laughter, “It was a small tug of your lips but I could tell.” Kevin leaned forward until his face was a couple of inches away from James's. He was happy when the other man didn't pull back, feeling as if he had scored a victory. “Why? Does it bother you that I can notice your little facial expressions?”

James swallowed nervously, his Adam's apple bobbing slightly, “No. It makes things easier actually. I find most people misunderstand me because I'm not very expressive. If you can tell what I'm feeling then we don't have to worry about that.”

“Glad to hear it,” Kevin stated as he leaned back. “Ready to roll?”

James nodded and fell in step with Kevin as he walked him towards the ticket line at the carnival entrance.

“I'm afraid I'm a bit out of my element here,” James confessed. “I've never really been to a carnival before. I went to the amusement park a couple of times with Mark but that was a long time ago.”

“Whose Mark?” Kevin asked, hoping his voice didn't betray a bit of the jealousy he felt.

“Mark is my best friend since high school. The ring that was almost stolen is the one I got for his wife” James smiled slightly. “We met during our freshman year. No one wanted to talk to me and Mark noticed me always reading and drawing by myself. He kept coming over to talk to me. I didn't know what to say but Mark didn't care about that. He said I was interesting and wanted to spend time with me. Eventually he became my best and only friend. I'm very grateful to him. He's married now but he and his family still include me in their lives. I would do anything for them.”

Kevin was silent for a moment, contemplating what James had inadvertently revealed about himself through that anecdote. It confirmed Kevin's suspicion that James was a loner and didn't interact with people much. But it also showed that James is willing to open up his heart to people, and stayed loyal to them. Kevin felt an overwhelming desire to be one of those people.

“He sounds like a great friend. I'm glad you two found each other,” Kevin finally replied.

James's smile increased slightly, “I was lucky to find him.”

Kevin didn't say anything more as he bought their tickets and they entered the park. He looked at James and felt a small twinge of satisfaction at the curiosity he saw in James's eyes as he looked around at all the bright lights and various amusements and games.

“Anything you interested in trying out first?” Kevin asked.

James slowly looked around before pointing at a duck shooting game. “That one. I've always seen it in movies and always wanted to try it.”

Kevin grasped James's hand and walked him over to the game. “The key to a shooting game is to get used to the weapon they give you. Each one is different. Some shoot slightly to the left, some to the right. The second important thing to remember is to aim properly. Take your time, adjust your stance and then take the shot.”

They arrived at the counter, paid the dollar needed to play and James picked up his plastic BB guns. Kevin coached James on how to hold the gun and how to stand, careful not to get too close and physical with him. Right now he wanted James to focus on having fun and having Kevin touch him would just be a distraction. For his part, James was a good student, listening to Kevin's instructions carefully, his brow furrowed with concentration.

When he felt he was ready, James aimed and took his first shot- and missed the ducks completely as they moved in a circular motion.

“It's O.K. Take your time and try again.”

James took a deep breath, aimed and pulled the trigger. This time he grazed the tail of one of the ducks.

“Now you're getting it!” Kevin whooped.

James gripped the gun more tightly, took his last shot, and missed the bulls eye.

“Ah, so close. Want to try again?” Kevin asked.

James nodded, already adjusting his gun, his face set with determination. Kevin smiled, slightly amused and mostly proud when he realized how competitive his little date actually was. James played another three rounds before he finally won. Kevin had yelped with joy and clapped him on the back while James smiled slightly with pride. He'd been nonplussed when the game clerk asked him what he wanted as a prize before he selected a pink stuffed rabbit.

“Rose will love this.”

“Whose Rose?” Kevin asked.

“Mark's daughter. She's four.”

“Ah and here I thought you were fighting to get me a prize.”

James’s eyes widened slightly with confusion, “I didn't think a grown man like you would want a stuffed animal.”

Kevin chuckled and put his arm around James's shoulders, “I don't. But it's awesome knowing my man wants to win so badly to get me something.”

James looked at Kevin with a slightly puzzled look on his face. Kevin sighed and removed his arm, walking towards the closest basketball booth. “Here, I'll show you what I mean.”

Kevin slapped down a dollar on the counter and received three balls. He threw them at the basket, and missed every single one.

James stared at Kevin play silently before saying, “You're not very good at this.”

Kevin laughed at James's frank words. “Oh I suck at basketball. I'm more a baseball person.”

James looked at Kevin with questioning eyes, “Then why are you playing it?”

“Because,” Kevin said as he paid and got three more balls, “It's not very impressive if I play a game I can easily win. In order to get your attention and admiration it's better to play a game I suck at and keep trying till I get it. Just like you did with the shooting game.”

“I impressed you when I played?”

Kevin winked at James, “It was totally hot seeing you try so hard.”

James blushed slightly and Kevin laughed before he shot the first ball and it bounced off the rim. Kevin winced before he shot the second ball and missed again. “Of course, there's always the risk that I don't win and you think I'm a total wimp.”

“I don't think you're a wimp,” James replied firmly.

Kevin smiled and took his last shot, which also failed to go through the basket. “Ah damn.”

Kevin felt James gently place his hand on his arm and he looked up, masking his surprise. James had never initiated contact before.

“I would rather see you play a game you can win. I think that would be more...impressive.”

Kevin smiled broadly, clasped James's hand in his own and proceeded to the darts game. They spent the next four hours playing one game after the other. They won some and lost some, but most importantly Kevin made sure that James was having fun. He felt a surge of satisfaction every time James smiled as he played or watched Kevin win. He thought his heart would burst when James kept playing the darts game for twenty minutes, and whooped with joy when he finally hit a decent score on the board. This was what he wanted to see and he was right, seeing James becoming more animated and expressing his joy openly made him feel he was on top of the world. And the fact that he did this, made him feel like he was ten feet tall.

When they stopped to eat some food, Kevin had excitedly shown James all the different delicacies that can be found at carnivals. Even though he had never seen such food before and was probably used to more luxurious flavours, James never batted an eye, expressing great curiosity in trying as many of the dishes as possible. He later proclaimed that the sugared waffles were his favorite and asked if he could buy it outside the carnival, positively beaming when Kevin told him about all the waffle places he could go to.

They took a short break to dump all the prizes they won in James's car before heading back in to try the rides. James had been a bit more hesitant, confessing he wasn't used to fast rides and was slightly nauseous when he went on a roller coaster with Mark years ago.

“Then we don't have to ride the fast ones,” Kevin reassured him. “There are a bunch of slower ones, like Bumper Cars, the Viking, and the Ferris Wheel.”

“I'm sorry Kevin. If you want, you can ride the faster ones. I'll just wait.”

Kevin grabbed James's hand firmly, “I came here to spend time with you. I don't care about the rides.” Then, he proceeded to take James on as many rides as he could handle.

While most of the rides were indeed slow and not worth remembering, James's reaction to the Bumper Cars had been priceless. Kevin insisted that they ride separate cars so James can have the full Bumper Car experience. James had been skeptical at first and hesitant to plow into Kevin much less complete strangers. However, he rose to the occasion when Kevin repeatedly slammed into him. He eyes had flashed with annoyance and he set his jaw before he started to accelerate and slam into Kevin as often as he could. Kevin had laughed loudly every time James rammed into him, causing the other man to smile and draw back only to slam into Kevin again.

Kevin thought ending the evening on the Ferris Wheel was a bit cliched but appropriate considering it was James's first time at a carnival. He wondered if James knew what a prime make out spot the Ferris Wheel was as they sat down and lowered the safety bar.

They began to rise up slowly and Kevin decided it was time for another glimpse into how James felt.

“Did you have fun today?”

James nodded and smiled slightly, “I never imagined going to a carnival before but I really enjoyed myself.” He twisted his body slightly so he was facing Kevin. “Thank you Kevin. This was a rare and interesting experience.”

“I'm hoping to take you on more rare and interesting experiences. If you let me,” Kevin replied gravely.

James did not respond, his face blank again. Kevin felt his back and face muscles tighten in apprehension. He'd thought that James had had a good time and would want to keep dating Kevin. But what if he was wrong?

“I need to be honest with you Kevin. Before we decide to commit to spending more time together.”

Kevin gulped nervously, tightening his hand on the safety bar. “Alright.”

James took a deep breath and looked forward, away from Kevin, “I've never dated before. In fact this was my first real date.” He turned his head around to face Kevin, trying to read his expression. “I know that sounds strange. I mean, I'm twenty-eight and never gone on a date before. And maybe I am strange, but that's who I am. I don't know how to date someone. How much I should open up and when. What to do if you're busy or upset. How to handle an argument. I thought you should know all this before you decide if you want to date me. It wouldn't be fair to you if your partner wasn't...experienced or knew how to conduct himself in a relationship and you didn't know. If you need time to think I understand.”

Kevin felt his emotions settle throughout James's speech and he smiled ruefully. “I kind of figured this is all new to you. I wasn't sure if you never dated before but I had a feeling if you did it didn't last long.” Kevin covered James's right hand with his own. “James, I'm crazy about you. The more I'm with you and learn about you the more I want to get to know you. It doesn't matter to me if you're inexperienced. Every relationship is different and we'll figure it out as we go along. And we'll be honest with each other so we can get through the hiccups and difficult times. What do you say?”

James's eyes were slightly moist as he listened to Kevin and he nodded weakly.

“Can I kiss you?” Kevin asked softly.

James's eyes widened before he dipped his head slightly. Kevin leaned forward and pressed his lips against James's, marveling at how soft they were despite how rigid James's body was. Kevin deepened the kiss slightly, moving his lips gently over James's until he felt the other man start to relax and press his own lips forward. Kevin wanted nothing more than to grasp the back of James's head and deepen the kiss. But he knew that if he did so he might frighten James off. He would have to be careful and give James time to adjust.

After a few seconds he pulled back, noticing James's flushed cheeks and closed eyes. Kevin was giving himself a good mental pat on the back for controlling himself when James opened his eyes and asked, “Is that it?”

Kevin was too shocked to respond and he felt his jaw drop open.

“Not that that wasn't pleasant. I enjoyed it really. But I thought there would be more. I am inexperienced but I know that kisses can be more...passionate.”

Kevin growled slightly before he grabbed the back of James's head and pulled his face forward. He pressed his mouth firmly against James's and traced his tongue across his lips, thrilled when he felt James's mouth open beneath his own. He plunged his tongue into James's mouth and proceeded to show James how passionate a kiss could be. They got so passionate in fact that they didn't realize they had reached the ground until they heard a deep male voice tell them to save all the hanky panky till they get home.

Kevin laughed while James's face flushed with embarrassment and the two got off the ride, holding hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed the cuteness and fluff of this chapter. Don't know who was more nervous, Kevin or James.   
> There's going to be a time skip in the next chapter so we can get to the more....intimate parts soon.   
> Please leave a comment!


	4. Chapter 4

James dabbed his paint brush lightly into the pale blue paint on his palette and made small and gentle strokes on the canvas. He pulled his hand back and stared at the completed painting he'd made of Kevin and felt a flash of satisfaction. He'd spent two month trying to create the perfect painting of Kevin and had thrown out each one, finding small flaws that marred the vision he had. But this one seemed to finally reflect the Kevin he had grown to know.

The gentle look in his eyes, his boyish grin, the small wrinkles at the corner of his eyes that formed whenever he smiled. Every time he thought he had captured the perfect sketch, he'd come back from a date with Kevin to realize there was more that needed to be added, a new side to him that he didn't know and had to be shown.

The last two months had been- magical. Every date had been somewhere new. The zoo, the beach, hiking, the batting cages, bowling, and other places James still couldn't believe he'd set foot in. Kevin had told him on their second date that he wanted James to experience everything life has to offer, and James gladly threw himself into each experience. That wasn't saying he always did well. While Kevin enjoys baseball and plays every two weeks with his team and James didn't mind going to cheer him on, he did not enjoy the sensation of holding a bat and trying to swing at a fast approaching ball.

His adventure at the batting cages had not gone well at all. James kept missing the ball and when he finally hit it, he felt like his bones might shatter from the force of the metal bat and the speed from the ball machine. Luckily, Kevin had realized that James wasn't enjoying himself and stopped him quickly, otherwise James would have kept trying. Although that had been one of the least fun dates they'd been on, the talk they'd had in the parking lot while eating some hot dogs had been one of their best conversations yet.

James had asked why Kevin liked baseball so much and been shocked by the many revelations that simple question had led to.

“I guess because it was the easiest game to play at the orphanage,” Kevin had replied simply.

James froze, unsure what to say. “I didn't know you were an orphan.”

“It's not exactly pleasant dinner conversation,” Kevin replied with a sideways glance. He took a deep breath and continued. “My parents abandoned me when I was baby. The orphanage found me on their doorstep when I was four months old. There was no note, no name, nothing. I don't know who my parents were and what happened to them.”

James considered his words carefully, “That must have been difficult to deal with.”

Kevin looked off into the distance, recalling his youth, “It was. Everyone at the orphanage had their own way of dealing with having no parents. There were those whose parents were killed and had known they were loved. Some like me were abandoned and either grew up feeling hate and rejection or accepted their fate and tried to make the best of their lives. I was lucky to be one of the latter. Though I knew I wasn't loved by my parents enough for them to keep me, I was able to accept the cards life had dealt me and live happily with what I had. There was no reason people I never met should ruin my life and my future.  
'That's probably why I chose to work in the Juvie section rather than become a detective. I want to help other kids realize that life doesn't have to be dictated by where they came from or who their parents are. You know?”

James had swallowed uncomfortable and couldn't respond. That conversation stuck with him and made him realize why he was so attracted to Kevin. Both had been rejected by their parents, but while he had shut down emotionally and turned his back on the world, Kevin had embraced it. He fought for his own happiness and enjoyed his life to the fullest. It was something James could never do, even with Mark's help.

Maybe, with Kevin, he can finally come to terms with his past and move forward and find his own happiness. But first he probably had to talk to Kevin about it, something he'd never done. Mark knew bits and pieces of James's childhood and family situation but never pushed James for more details, which James was grateful for. He hadn't wanted to burden Mark with his negative emotions. But maybe with Kevin, he can finally open up and tell him everything.

He felt his chest tighten at the thought but he steeled himself. If he wanted to leave his cage, he had to fight for it, the same way Kevin did.

James took one last look at his painting of Kevin, noting the bright expression that seemed to jump off the canvas and picked up his phone.

“Hello, Kevin. Are you free this Friday? I'd like you to come over to my house.”

 

 

'Turn left,” the robotic voice of the GPS said.

Kevin gripped the steering wheel tightly as he got closer to James's house. Although James had opened up to him a lot in the last two months there were still things he kept hidden. His family, his childhood, his job and hobbies. He never told Kevin that he was rich, which Kevin kind of figured out a while ago and the row of mansions he passed reaffirmed his suspicions.

Finally, he arrived at the correct address and pulled up to the black metal gates. He barely pressed the button on the intercom when a smooth male voice replied, “Mr. Kevin Turner?”

Kevin cleared his throat, suddenly feeling even more nervous. “Yeah, I mean yes, that's me. Um, Kevin Turner.” Smooth Kevin. Smooth.

The gates swung open and Kevin drove down the driveway towards the opulent mansion. It was by far the biggest house Kevin had ever seen. The entire structure was made out of red brick with giant glass windows. Some of the glass was plain while others had colors reflecting off them. Kevin thought there'd be a fountain in front of the house because he heard that most mansions have fountains. Instead there was a beautiful garden full of multi-colored roses. When Kevin parked his car and got out he noticed there was a bigger garden towards the back of the house. He wouldn't be surprised if there was a pool too.

Kevin walked up the stairs and raised his hand to knock when the door swung open. On the other side was an older man wearing a dark suit. Probably the butler.

“Mr. Turner. Master James has been expecting you,” the butler smoothly stated. “He is in the library. I shall escort you there.”

“Thanks. I appreciate that,” Kevin replied, smiling. The butler didn't smile back and simply turned around and walked away.

“Okay,” Kevin muttered as he closed the front door behind him.

He tried not to stare at any of his surroundings as he followed the butler to the library, even though his cop instincts were urging him to take in every detail. But he had a feeling the butler was subtly watching him and any signs of wonder and amazement on his part would not go unnoticed or appreciated by the somber servant.

Suddenly, the butler stopped and Kevin lurched back so he wouldn't slam into him.

“Master James, Mr. Turner is here to see you.” The butler stepped aside and Kevin finally saw James and couldn't help smiling broadly.

“Hey,” Kevin greeted as he stepped into the room and stood in front of James.

“Hi,” James replied, his expression impassive. He looked over Kevin's shoulder and spoke to the butler, “Martin, you didn't tell me Kevin was here. I told you to inform me as soon as he arrived at the gates.”

“I'm sorry Master James, there was no time. I will endeavor to do so in the future.” With that, the butler turned around and left the room.

James sighed softly, “I'm sorry about him. He's a bit over protective. You're the only one besides Mark I ever invited to the house so he's a bit anxious.”

Kevin felt a rush of joy at James's admission, and swooped down to give James a deep kiss. When he eventually pulled back he felt himself get a bit hard at James's flushed face.

“You're really good at that,” James said, his face becoming even more crimson.

Kevin grinned, “You're pretty good yourself.”

James smiled weakly. “Do you want a tour of the house?” Kevin nodded and the two walked out of the room. They then spent the next forty minutes going through the entire house. Kevin showed the proper amount of appreciation as he saw the living room, the second formal living room, the main dining room that could have fit an entire football team, the informal dining room that could have fit a soccer team, the television room, the indoor gymnastic sized pool, and a bunch of other rooms that looked mostly the same. Big with lots of over-sized and antique looking furniture.

Kevin couldn't help but frown the more he saw. The house was completely devoid of any personality. He couldn't tell which rooms were actually being used and which were just for show. No wonder James was so reserved, growing up in a bland place like this.

“Upstairs are the bedrooms and game room. There's a pool table if you want to play.”

“I don't mind, if you want to,” Kevin replied.

James looked a bit sheepish, “I actually don't really like playing pool.”

“Then what do you usually like to do when you're home.”

James paused which pricked Kevin's curiosity.

“I like to swim. I swim almost every day. And I read a lot. And...” James's voice trailed off and his expression became shuttered.

Kevin grasped James's hand, kicking himself for making him withdraw. “Swimming is good. And I had a feeling you read a lot. The library is really nice.”

James perked up, “It is isn't it. It's one of my favourite rooms in the house.”

Kevin chuckled, “I don't blame you. It's every bookworm's dream. What other room do you usually spend time in.”

“Usually the library. I eat and watch television occasionally in the informal living room. And my room.”

Kevin had to hold himself back so he didn't seem too excited as he said, “I'd like to see your room. If that's OK.”

James nodded and the two proceeded upstairs. As soon as they entered James's bedroom Kevin grinned as he took in the entire room in a glance. “Now this looks like you.”

James frowned slightly. “What do you mean?”

“I mean the rest of the house seemed so blah. But this room. It definitely feels like you.” Kevin walked around the room pointing at various objects. “Like that painting of the ocean. You probably want to go visit it. I bet it would be amazing to watch the sunset there. And that shelf of books. I can tell those are your favourites, they're so worn out. And I'm guessing these stuffed toys are ones that Rose gave you along with these drawings. You said Sarah likes antiques so she probably got you that quilt and chest. And of course there are the pictures of Mark and his family.”

Kevin grinned and turned around to face James after he was done with his recitation. His smile fell as he saw the tears streaming down James's face. He rushed forward and began wiping his tears away. “Hey, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you cry.”

James brushed Kevin's hand away gently and shook his head. “It's not that. I just...didn't realize how well you know me. I knew you were kind but I didn't realize how attentive you've been. I've never had anyone analyze me and understand me the way you just did. Mark understands me but it took a long time.”

Kevin led James to the bed and gave him a tissue from the box on the night stand. James wiped away his tears and blew his nose gently before he continued, “I never liked this house you know. Not really. My parents decorated it and I never bothered to change it.”

“Well you can change it now. Your parents might get pissed off a bit but if you talk to them they'll understand eventually.”

James paused then looked at Kevin, “My parents are dead,” he proclaimed. “They died ten years ago.”

Kevin froze. On one hand he knew James was hiding a lot about his family but he never let on that his parents had passed away, and when James was still young. Kevin felt his brain kick into overdrive, trying to come up with different responses. “That must have been difficult. Especially if you weren't very close.”

James continued to stare at Kevin and Kevin wished he could tell what he was thinking. “What do you mean?”

Kevin cleared his throat, “Well, if you were close then you would have been devastated when they died. You would have grieved and tried to find ways to move on. But you would have the knowledge that you were loved. But if you weren't close, then you wouldn't know how to grieve. On one hand they're your parents. On the other they were like complete strangers. You wouldn't know how to process their death and hearing advice from other people wouldn't help because they give you bland and generic answers and comments on how you should grieve and feel. You're also left with the lingering question, 'Did they love me? Did they care?' It's hard to answer that and you won't ever get a response.”

James began to cry again then simply put his arms around Kevin and wept. Kevin pulled him close, rubbing his back reassuringly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After getting to know each other slowly, our couple if finally reaching a turning point in their relationship. And the ride will get bumpier.  
> Hope you enjoyed the slight fluff with hints of angst. As promised, next up, some smut!
> 
> On a side note, I always hated it when authors had characters whose names started with the same letter because it made it a bit confusing. And here I have 3 characters that start with an M! I know I know, I'm a hypocrite. I tried to change their names but they just fit. 
> 
> Please feel free to leave some comments. I'd love to hear what you think.


	5. Chapter 5

After what seemed like forever, James pulled out of Kevin's embrace, taking in deep gulps of air to calm himself down.

“I need some water,” James said.

Kevin got up and grabbed the water jug and glass on his dresser, poured a cup and brought it back to James. As he got closer James noticed the trail of tears on Kevin's shirt and his face turned red with mortification.

“I'm so sorry,” he said pointing at Kevin's shirt.

Kevin looked down and laughed as he handed James the glass. “Don't worry about it. I'll wear your snot and tears as badge of honor”

James put the glass of water aside and went over to the walk in closet. “I'll give you another shirt.”

James felt Kevin follow him into the room and fished through his clothes, trying to find a shirt that would fit Kevin's broader frame.

“I;m really sorry. I don't know what came over me. I usually don't cry much."

"Well then maybe you were due for a good cry," Kevin said chuckling. 

"I think there are some looser exercise shirts in one of the drawers.” James turned around and froze, his mouth opening slightly. Kevin had taken off his shirt and for the first time James had an unobstructed view of the lean muscles he suspected Kevin had. It was like the Greek statues, sculpted and moulded to perfection. He'd seen numerous paintings and pictures of nudes and always wanted to paint one himself. Kevin's body was the ideal he was always looking for. Without realizing it James reached out his hand to touch Kevin's chest, to feel for himself how firm the muscles were. He felt the muscles tighten as he touched them and stroked his hand gently across Kevin's chest. He was about to trail his hand down his abdomen when Kevin suddenly grabbed his hand.

James looked up and was shocked by the fierce look in Kevin's eyes. This was probably what they called desire. He'd read about them in poems and stories but had never experienced it himself. He always felt light headed when Kevin kissed him, but it was nothing compared to what he was feeling now. He wanted to answer that look, to show Kevin that he also felt that desire. He stepped on his tiptoes and placed a gentle kiss on Kevin's lips.

Kevin growled, grasped James's arms and deepened the kiss. James opened his mouth in response and felt his lust increase as Kevin's tongue swept into his mouth. They stood locked in a passionate kiss for what seemed like hours when Kevin finally pulled back.

“James, I know you're inexperienced so I need to check first. I want to make love to you. Is that what you want too? Because if you don't now is the time to tell me.”

James smiled and stroked Kevin's cheek, running his eyes over every feature of his lover's face. “I'm sure.”

Kevin grasped James's hand gently and pulled him towards the bed, laying him down on the cotton sheets. James barely had time to register this new position before Kevin was on top of him and kissing him again. He could feel something hard press against his thigh and realized Kevin was erect. Which suited James perfectly as he was erect as well.

Gently, Kevin removed James's shirt and began to kiss his chest, pausing at his left nipple which he began to suck while he tweaked and caressed the right one. James couldn't suppress a groan and grasped Kevin's hair, desperate for more contact. He lost himself to Kevin's expert tongue and lips as he continued to kiss and lick various parts of James's body.

James was shocked to suddenly realize he was completely naked while Kevin was only in his boxer shorts. He felt Kevin stroke him gently, moving his hand up and down his shaft. James moaned and shuddered.

Kevin chuckled, “You're really feeling it.”

James smiled back, “If you keep doing that I won't last long.”

Kevin stroked James a bit faster, “That's OK. We have all night.” James could barely focus anymore, barely aware of Kevin's left hand pumping furiously while his right hand stroked his chest again and he began to rain kisses on James's neck. James felt every nerve in his body tingle. He'd touched himself before and always been curious about sex, wondering if it really felt as good as it looked in the x-rated movies he saw. Or if he'd really feel and respond passionately. Having Kevin touch him was more than he had ever imagined. And if this was just the beginning, what would happen next?

Suddenly, James felt like his mind exploded and his body jerked forward, his orgasm wiping his mind blank.

James lay on the bed panting as Kevin grabbed some tissues and wiped James down.

“What about you?” James asked softly.

Kevin smiled softly, “Don't worry about me. It's your first time so let's focus on you.”

James was about to protest when he felt Kevin probe his slit. “There's some lubricant in the drawer on your right.”

Kevin froze, his finger still at the rim of James's hole. “What did you say?”

“I did some research. I know that you need to soften the area with a lubricant. So I bought some a few weeks ago. I also have been preparing myself, to be honest.”

Kevin continued to stare at James, making James lick his lips nervously. “Was I wrong? Should I not have done that?”

Kevin suddenly pulled back and roared with laughter. James sat up, staring at Kevin in confusion. Kevin continued to laugh until tears streamed down his cheeks. He wiped them away then looked at James, his eyes full of amusement. “You are always so full of surprises.”

James felt himself flush, “Really? I think I'm pretty predictable.”

Kevin reached into the drawer and pulled out the tube of lubricant. “Trust me my love, you are anything but predictable.”

James barely had time to register what Kevin had just called him before he was on top of him again, his wet fingers probing into James now. Kevin took his time preparing James, despite James's protests that he was ready. “There's a difference between my fingers and my dick. This is going to hurt until you get used to my size, might as well stretch you as much as I can.”

When Kevin finally determined that James was ready he lifted Jame's hips, poised himself and entered him. At first James only felt a slight discomfort, but as Kevin started to press forward he felt a twinge of pain which he couldn't hide.

“Guess that's my limit for today,” Kevin stated his muscles coiled tightly as he tried to control himself.

“No,” James protested, “I can handle more. Keep going.”

Kevin chuckled and leaned down to kiss James gently, “There's no rush. We'll get there eventually. Besides, I can't really enjoy myself if you're in pain.”

With that Kevin began to rock back and forth gently. James felt himself begin to respond and his desire was returning. It only increased when he felt Kevin grasp him again, stroking him gently and firmly. James began to moan again, clutching Kevin's back, unaware of how deeply his nails were digging into him. James was hyper aware of where their bodies connected, thrilled emotionally and physically. This is what he always dreamed of. Being loved by another person, feeling their passion and desire for him so much it almost overwhelmed him. He didn't know if he was doing it right and if Kevin knew how much James felt at that moment so he kept repeating his name over and over, clinging to him, desperately hoping his feelings were being communicated.

James felt his throat tighten then his whole body shuddered, and once again his mind went blank as he climaxed. He felt Kevin pump into him a few more time before he shuddered and climaxed as well, flopping on top of James.

Both men lay there, panting and stroking each other gently, simple touches to any body part they could find. Eventually, Kevin got up, got rid of the condom James hadn't noticed him put on, cleaned James off despite James's protests he can do it himself, then hugged James's body to him.

James stilled, listening to Kevin's heart beat. It was the first time he had ever gotten so close to another person, connected emotionally and physically. He was overwhelmed and satisfied at the same time. He must have been more tense about Kevin's visit than he realized as he slowly dozed off, content in his lover's arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There it is, the first smut scene. Hope you enjoyed it. There will be more later, I promise.   
> I love how sweet James and Kevin's relationship is. Part of that is the fact that dating is so new to James and he wants to throw all his effort into it.   
> Prepare yourselves though for some angst in the next chapter. We're finally going to start learning a bit more about James's background.


	6. Chapter 6

“James, over here,” Mark called out. James spotted him sitting in one of the row of seats close to the front of the room and walked over. 

“Where’s Rose? I wanted to wish her good luck before the play starts,” James said as he sat on one of the empty seats.

“Sarah is just fixing her hair,” Mark replied. 

James looked around the big classroom the play was set in. This wasn’t the first time he had been invited to an event at her school but he was always fascinated by all the excitement and chatter of the kids and parents. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Mark pull out his video camera. 

“Here, I’ll do it. You won’t be able to focus on Rose and film at the same time.” 

Mark smiled gratefully and handed him the camera just as Rose ran over. “Uncle James, you made it!” 

“Of course I did. I’m not going to miss seeing you play Cinderella. Besides, I got you something.” 

James had to suppress his smile as Rose's eyes widened with excitement. He reached into the paper bag he brought and pulled out the plastic tiara he purchased as soon as he heard she would be playing Cinderella. “Every princess needs a tiara.”

Rose squealed as James helped her put it on, then twirled to show off the whole ensemble. 

“You’re spoiling her again,” Sarah rebuked gently as she sat on Mark’s other side. 

“Aw let him. It’s not harming anyone. Besides, we’ll be strict with her so it all balances out.”

Sarah snorted derisively, “Sure you’re strict with her. Yesterday you sneaked her some cookies before dinner even after I said no.” 

Mark grinned sheepishly, “Glad to see your pregnancy hormones haven’t affected your sharp observations skills.” He then grunted as Sarah poked him in the ribs.

“Alright children, please come to the side of the room to get ready,” the teacher called out. The adults all wished Rose good luck as she walked off to join her friends. 

“Can’t believe she’s grown so much,” James said, smiling softly. 

“Speaking of growing. How’s it going with Kevin and when will we meet the guy?” Mark asked pointedly. James sighed. It was a conversation they’d had many times and while he wanted his favorite people to meet, he didn’t want to spook Kevin. It was enough that he knew about his money and a bit about his family. Baby steps were required when it came to certain aspects of their relationship. 

“When I think we’re ready to take that step,” James replied.

“I told you not to pressure him,” Sarah chastised. 

“I’m not pressuring him! I just want to meet this guy. Make sure he’s good for you.”

James exhaled in frustration, “He is good for me. He makes me happy. Isn’t that what you said was important?”

“Yes but you have to admit you’re not the best judge. You haven’t dated before and you’ve been with this guy for almost three months now. I think it’s time we meet him.” 

James looked up and stared at Mark, his voice firm, “His name is Kevin, not ‘that guy.’ And I get to decide when it’s time.” James saw Sarah fiddle with her dress uncomfortably behind Mark while Mark set his jaw in anger. James and Mark occasionally argued; it was difficult not to with how fussy Mark is, especially when James had set his mind on something. But he didn’t want to make his friend feel like he was shutting him out of his relationship. 

“Look. You’re right. This is new to me. I’m trying to figure it out. And I have to do that on my own. If you meet him then you’ll start trying to give me advice and I don’t want to have my impressions of Kevin altered so early into our relationship. So please, just trust me to do this on my own. You will get to meet him. I promise. Just not now.”

After a few seconds Mark finally nodded and Sarah breathed a sigh of relief. “Well if you two are friends again the play is about to start.”

James picked up the camera and was about to hit record when he heard Mark whisper, “I trust you. But it doesn’t mean I won’t worry.” James smiled and watched as a bunch of five year-olds began to narrate the beginning of Cinderella. 

 

Kevin whistled joyfully as he walked down the hall to his office at the police station. It had been a month since that amazing day at James's house and Kevin was happy to say it wasn't the last. They usually managed to go on dates once or twice during the week, but on weekends their time was their own. More often than not they'd be in James's room having sex. Kevin never imagined so much passion was hidden behind James's controlled expressions.

He was always more than willing to go all the way. In fact, most of the time Kevin had to hold back, so that James wouldn't push himself and end up too sore the next day. It was like after living without physical affection for so long, James couldn't get enough of it. Even when they weren't making love, James would often snuggle up to Kevin, place his hand on his arm, or even press their legs together, seeking constant physical contact.

While such clingy behaviour from his previous lovers would have been annoying, it wasn't the same with James. While James couldn't get enough of touching Kevin, Kevin couldn't stop wanting to spoil James. He reciprocated whenever James needed it, whether it was a kiss, a pat on the back, or even just a compliment or kind word.

Kevin had been in plenty of relationships before, with men and women. And while he had cared for all his lovers in his own way, he had never felt this strong need and desire to take care of someone before. It wasn't just that he wanted to give James all the affection and love he never had, he just wanted to spend time with him. Talk to him and share their ideas.

Kevin smiled as he remembered an argument they had had last week. James had insisted that blueberry muffins were the best while Kevin said it was apple. That little discussion had spiraled into a full fledged argument where they both began to insult each other's taste in other stuff. Of course, it had eventually ended with some hot sex, which made Kevin want to repeat the experience again. Especially when he remembered how amazing James had looked when he was angry, standing his ground, his small fists balled and his eyes determined. Despite his size he never backed down from a challenge. He still showed the same spunk from that first night when they met, the reason Kevin had been attracted to him in the first place.

Kevin was lost in thought, thinking of where he should take James on their next date and whether he could entice him into an argument about pizza toppings when Miles burst in and plunked himself on the chair across from his desk.

“So, what's got you making such a disgusting face?”

Kevin sighed softly and shuffled his files, “It's not disgusting. It's called love.” He could hear Miles making gagging sounds and ducked his head so the boy couldn't see him smile. No need to encourage him.

“So, when do I get to meet this guy?” Miles asked.

Kevin looked up at Miles in shock, “You want to meet him? But you never wanted to meet my lovers before.”

Miles let out a world weary sigh, impatient with all the idiotic adults he has to deal with. “That's cuz you were never serious about any of them.”

“I was serious!” Kevin protested.

Miles looked Kevin dead in the eyes, “Not like this. Or am I wrong.”

Kevin smiled broadly, “Nope, you're not wrong.”

Miles shrugged and put his feet on Kevin's desk, “Then bring him over. I'm usually at your place on weekends since you keep going to your love shack. Just bring him to your place for a change.” Miles grinned wickedly, “Unless you don't want him seeing that crap hole you call an apartment.”

Kevin lightly shoved Miles's feet off the desk, “Fine. Next weekend. And my place is not a crap hole.”

Miles laughed, “Whatever you have to say to make yourself feel better.”

 

Despite his best efforts, Kevin was still contemplating Miles's comments about his apartment as he left the station and called James. He was a bit disappointed when James didn't answer right away and left a brief message to call him back. Usually James answered his phone right away, but occasionally, he wouldn't answer and would call back a few hours later. A couple of times he didn't call until the next day! James still wouldn't tell him how he spent his time and why he wouldn't answer his phone, reminding Kevin that even though James had opened up to him a lot, there was still more he kept hidden.

But that was fine. Kevin could wait. Two hours later, James finally called back as Kevin was getting ready for bed.

“Sorry, I was busy,” James's soft voice said over the phone.

Kevin swallowed his desire to ask James what he was doing, instead telling him about Miles's request to meet him.

“Miles is that boy who stays at your place sometimes right?”

“Yeah that's him. He's kind of like a kid brother. So in lieu of a family you get to meet a fourteen-year old punk.”

“You never told me how you met him or anything,” James responded.

Kevin paused, then decided that if he wanted James to confide in him he had to continue sharing his own personal details. “I met him when he was hauled into my office for shoplifting two years ago.”

“He's a juvenile delinquent,” James stated.

“Yes and no. He's a former delinquent. But he's not on probation anymore. Now he just comes over when he feels like it.”

“Why'd you take him in?”

Kevin contemplated his response, never really digging into his reasons for helping Miles too deeply before. “Because he reminds me a bit of myself I guess. He could have been me. I don't know who my parents were but I imagine if they were rough and neglectful like Miles's family is, I could have easily been like him. He's a good kid and he's wicked smart. He can actually go to college if he can get a scholarship or financial aid.” Kevin paused, pondering his next words, “I guess there are a lot of loses when it comes to dealing with kids like Miles, that I want to hold on to the little successes I have.”

“I understand,” James said.

Kevin smiled, “I figured you would.”

“So, what time should I come over on Saturday?”

“I'll come pick you up. Wouldn't want you getting lost again,” Kevin teased.

He thought James may have been clenching his teeth with irritation when he said, “Deeply appreciated.” He then hung up as Kevin burst into laughter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy the sweetness and prepare yourself for some angst!
> 
> As a side note, Cinderella isn't one of my favorite fairy tales or Disney movie but it's one of the ones that is usually taught in kindergarten. Not sure why when 'Beauty and the Beast' is so much better ;)


	7. Chapter 7

“I'm nervous,” James admitted as he sat in the passenger seat of Kevin's car.

“Why are you nervous. He's just a kid?”

“I know. But you consider him as your little brother. Which means he has to like me,” James replied, nervously toying with a loose string on his coat.

Kevin reached over and clasped James's hand. “He's gonna love you.” James smiled but he wasn't completely convinced. In his life he'd met various people and only two, well four, so far have actually liked him. The odds of Miles liking him were very slim and James needed to prepare himself for that.

“Here we are. Home sweet home,” Kevin said as he parked in front of his apartment building. As James got out of the car he couldn't help but notice how old the building looked. He knew Kevin didn't make much money with a government job and had prepared himself for a small and slightly run down apartment. He wasn't a snob and wouldn't look down on Kevin for living in a less than affluent neighbourhood, but it was still a new experience coming to a place like this. Now was the time to put all those years of controlling his facial expressions to good use. He didn’t want any of his shock or curiosity to upset Kevin.

“A lot smaller than yours but it works,” Kevin said. He took James's hand and proceeded into the building. As they approached the door to Kevin's apartment, James couldn't help feeling apprehensive about meeting Miles but excited to finally see Kevin's apartment. Just like Kevin analyzed James's bedroom and saw his personality reflected in it, James wanted to do the same for Kevin.

“Yo, we're here. Get your butt off the couch,” Kevin called out as he stepped into the apartment.

James barely stepped in and took off his shoes before he noticed a rough looking youth standing in the entryway with his arms crossed. The boy would have looked good with his mahogany brown hair and deep brown eyes if he wasn't frowning so much. Based on the frown lines on his temple James guessed that the kid spent more time glowering than smiling. James felt an inexplicable urge to reach out and reassure the child that everything would be alright. He blinked in surprise. He'd never felt that way about anyone before, except Rose.

“Where are your manners Miles?” Kevin asked, frowning slightly.

Miles sighed in annoyance and reached out his hand, “Miles Avery.”

James shook his hand and was shocked when he felt Miles exert some pressure. “James Evans. It's nice to meet you Miles. Kevin told me a few things about you.”

Miles lifted his right eyebrow, “A few? Usually people say a lot.”

“Yes, but that would be a lie and I prefer not starting off our relationship with dishonesty.”

Miles stared at James with a blank expression as Kevin slapped the boy on the back lightly, “What did I tell you. See why I can't get enough of this guy.”

Kevin beckoned James into his apartment and James moved past Miles to take his first look at Kevin's inner sanctum. He took in the slightly worn leather couch, the scratched coffee table with baseball magazines piled on it, the 45 inch television screen setup on a chest of drawers. There were also some pictures of Kevin with who James assumed were his friends and baseball team. The furniture was simple, lived in, and clearly chosen carefully.

James smiled and looked at Kevin, “It suits you.”

Kevin put his arm around James and led him to the bedroom, which matched the furniture in the living room. James glanced over his shoulder and saw Miles frowning at him, an angry glint in his eyes. James was slightly shocked. Not that he wasn't used to strange and angry looks from people, but he didn't expect Miles to dislike him so quickly.

They spent the next couple of hours chatting about Kevin's baseball team, which had a game the next day, the latest movie they watched on their date last weekend and a TV series that Kevin recently lent James.

James kept trying to include Miles in the conversation, but the boy kept finding ways to reject James's overtures, responding only when Kevin would talk to him. James was trying to figure out how to get Miles to talk to him when Kevin's phone rang. Kevin looked at the name on the screen, said he needed to take the call and stepped into his bedroom and closed the door.

James barely opened his mouth when the boy looked up and openly glared at James, his face reflecting pure loathing. James was taken aback, trying to figure out what he could have done to offend the boy when Miles spoke in an angry soft voice, hissing at James.

“I know people like you. I've met people like you. Holier than thou rich jerks who think they can walk all over us, like we're a bunch of charity cases.”

“Miles, I don't-”

“Maybe you think you don't, but deep down and with time it'll show. You and Kevin are different people. Right now you guys are into each other because you're so different, but one day you'll realize that your differences will break you. Besides, you don't deserve Kevin. He's kind, and generous and the best guy I know. He probably mostly pities you and feels like he needs to save you. And I can tell from your stuck up attitude that you have your own issues. But guess what, once those issues are gone, so will Kevin's interest in you. And I can tell, deep down, you are a useless guy with no dream, ambitions, or passion for life. No way you can keep Kevin's interest.”

James swallowed, forcing all the emotions Miles's words released in him into his inner box. He hadn't had to suppress his emotions for a while so it took him some time to lock all his emotions away. When he managed to collect himself he looked at Miles and noticed the boy was still staring at him, trying to discern what James was feeling.

James finally opened his mouth, about to respond when Miles said, “Damn, you really are messed up.”

James could physically feel his box slamming shut, chains whipping around it and dozens of padlocks snapping shut. He could actually feel every muscle in his face loosen, masking any emotions James might be feeling.

“Hey sorry about that,” Kevin said as he sauntered back into the room. “There was an emergency with one of the kids I'm in charge of. I'm sorry James but I have to go talk to him.”

James slowly got up, his eyes looking down, “It's fine. I needed to go see Mark today anyway.”

Kevin was too busy collecting his wallet and keys to notice James's shuttered expression. Before he could look at him, James walked out of the apartment with a brief goodbye from the door. He quickly walked down the staircase, too tightly wound to wait for the elevator, and hailed a passing cab.

He could feel his emotions struggling to get out of his box but he stubbornly kept it sealed until he got home and walked directly to his art studio.

He'd barely entered the room when his eyes fastened on the painting he just completed a few days ago. It was a painting of him and Kevin, watching a sunset at the beach, their arms around each other. The colors were soft and gentle, just like Kevin. This was the first time James actually painted himself and he had drawn a gentle and content smile on his face, how he always felt when he was around Kevin.

Miles's words played in his head, “He pities you...you're useless.....useless...pity...useless....”

With a scream James felt the locks break, the chains snap off and all his emotions came pouring out. Years of being ignored and rejected by his parents, bullied by people at school who thought he was arrogant. He remembered his mom shushing him while she was on the phone when he was five, then screaming at him that he'd cost her a deal with his constant nagging. His father coldly refusing to bring him to social events with other children and his business partners because he thought they'd think James is stupid because he couldn't talk properly until he was eight. His parents' shame whenever someone asked about him, pretending James was off at boarding school.

Of course, with the life he had, no wonder Kevin pitied him, wanted to save him. Miles was right, his relationship with James was a momentary aberration. One day Kevin will realize how empty and damaged James actually is and throw him away. Why wouldn't he? His own parents did.

James didn't even realize he was crying hysterically until he heard an insistent knock on the door.

“Master James,” Martin's anxious voice came through the door. “Are you alright?”

James realized that he was curled up in a ball on the floor, grasping his head in his hands. His hair was probably a mess because he'd tugged on it so hard. James slowly uncoiled himself and replied, “Yes Martin. I'm fine.”

He waited a few moments until he heard Martin's receding footsteps. James looked up and stared at the painting, his dream of living out happy days with Kevin, watching the auburn sky. Slowly, he got up, lifted a paintbrush, dipped it into the black paint can and made a series of slashes across the painting. First, he painted over Kevin's smile, then the sunset he dreamed of watching, reflecting their peaceful and loving relationship. Lastly, he painted over his own face, smearing the brush against the canvas and holding it there, watching it drip down the brush bristles and onto the carpet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Told you there would be angst. And, unfortunately for Kevin and James, there will be more before they can get their happy ever after. 
> 
> Agh, I wanted to slap Miles so much in this chapter. My poor baby James. 
> 
> I mentioned in the notes of my first chapter that I thought of this story years ago and came out with different versions. I forgot most of them while actually writing this story but the image of the box stayed with me. At times it was a cage, a couple of times a door. When I finally decided on a box it just fit, reflecting how tightly James guards his emotions and pain.


	8. Chapter 8

James slowly blinked his swollen eyelids open, aware of how dry his throat was. At one point during the evening, he'd made his way to his bedroom, where he proceeded to cry himself to sleep. He hadn't cried so much since the day his father had told him how much of a disappointment he was when he was twelve. After that, James had tried his best to seal all his emotions away, to control his expressions so his parents could never accuse him of being a pathetic open book.

James sat up slowly, looking around his room blearily. He needed to get up. But why? What did he have left?

Hesitantly, he reached towards his nightstand and opened the drawer there, pulling out a light brown wooden box with a gold clasp that was lying inside. He pulled up his knees and laid the box across them. It wasn’t a very big box, just big enough to hold some of James’s favorite pictures and memorabilia from his childhood. He still remembered the day he asked Martin for a box to put some rocks in that he found in the garden. He’d thought the box was magical with the encrusted jewels around the edges and a pictures of a lion engraved on the lid. It was his most prized possession and he always felt happy imagining how the lion was protecting all his precious memories. Over the years James had added pictures of Mark and his family, and some sea shells, rocks, leaves, and flowers from places he visited and painted. Recently he'd added a couple of photos of Kevin as well.

The irony never escaped James that when his father frostily told him to control his emotions when he was a child, he had imagined this box in his chest that would store all his darkest feelings. One box for happiness, one for sadness, made sense. 

He looked at the few possession inside and tried to will himself to feel- anything. But he couldn't. 

Suddenly there was a knock on the door. “James, it's me,” Mark's voice said.

Hesitantly, James put the box back in the drawer and got up, walked across the room and opened the door. He noticed Mark's shocked expression. He probably looked a mess.

“You look like hell,” Mark stated bluntly.

James turned away and sat on the bed. “If you came here to state the obvious you should go home.”

Mark entered the room, closing the door behind him and pulling one of the chairs over to the bed to sit across from James. James looked at the floor but could feel Mark's intense stare.

“What?”

“Tell me what happened,” Mark said gently.

“It's nothing.”

“I doubt nothing would reduce you to a pile of tears and freak Martin out so much he'd call me in a panic.”

James swallowed, feeling a bit guilty for worrying the butler so much. Martin had been with his family since before he was born and was often the only person who treated James with any kindness. James lost track of the number of times Martin had found him, curled in a ball in the closet and crying, coaxing him out with a sketch pad to let him express himself.

“I just...had a bit of trouble with Kevin yesterday.”

“You went over to meet that kid who stays with him right? Did the kid say something to you?” James could detect faint traces of anger in Mark's voice.

“Don't blame him. He didn't say anything that wasn't true. It was stuff I knew but kept denying.”

“You probably think it's true because you're always so hard on yourself,” Mark's voice was getting louder, his impatience with James's self pity evident.

“It's fine. It doesn't matter.”

Mark exhaled loudly, running his hand through his hair. “So, what are you going to do now?”

James stared out the window, contemplating his answer. What should he do? He knew he wasn't good enough for Kevin. He was too boring, pathetic and useless. He could never make Kevin happy in the long run. But, that was in the future. Right now, Kevin wanted to be with him. Why couldn't James enjoy their time together, until the day Kevin decided he didn't need him anymore?

“What I'm going to do is shower and get dressed. Kevin has a baseball game and I promised him I'd go see it.”

Mark gazed at James, trying to discern what he was feeling, “You're not going to give up on him are you? You're going to keep trying right?”

James looked over at Mark, noting his tense expression and forced himself to smile, “No, I'm not.”

 

 

“Do you see him?” Kevin asked.

“For the tenth time no,” Miles replied in annoyance. “If I see him I'll tell you.”

Kevin looked down at his phone, “He hasn't picked up his phone since yesterday. It's not strange for him not to answer sometimes but he promised he'd come today. The game is about to start.”

“Don't worry about it,” Miles said with disinterest. “I'm sure he'll show up eventually. Look the team is calling you.”

Kevin nodded, patted Miles on the shoulder and walked over to his team so everyone could get into position.

Miles looked after Kevin and felt a twinge of guilt. He quickly shoved it aside. He hadn't done anything wrong. So he'd told that loser a few harsh truths. He needed to know that there couldn't be a future between him and Kevin. They really were too different. Kevin was kind and fun and full of life. James was too constrained, probably too worried about what people think of him to really let loose. There's also the fact that James is filthy rich. People like him who were born with a silver spoon in their mouths didn't understand how tough life can be. Everything came easily to them and they never had to work hard for anything. They took everything for granted. What's to say he doesn't take Kevin for granted? Use him and throw him away when he got bored.

He felt that stab of guilt return. He could tell that James had issues, otherwise Kevin wouldn't have latched onto him. And Miles wasn't jealous enough not to hope he gets better, but it didn't have to be with Kevin. The dude could figure it out on his own.

“How long have they been playing?” James's cool voice said as the man sat down on the bleachers next to Miles.

Miles started and looked at him. James was well dressed in chinos and a dress shirt, wearing large black sunglasses.

Miles cleared his throat, his voice coming out gruffer than he intended to mask his nervousness, “They just started ten minutes ago.”

James nodded and the two watched the game in silence for a while.

“I'm not sorry for what I said,” Miles finally blurted out, unable to handle the tense silence.

“I know,” James replied simply. “It's fine. You don't have to worry about it. I'm an adult. I can handle a few harsh words.”

Miles looked at James, noting how detached he sounded. A ball of guilt began to form and took permanent residence in his chest.

 

 

“Wait, the door, the door,” Kevin said in a muffled voice, trying to speak while James shoved him against the wall and kissed him hungrily.

Kevin reached his foot out and kicked the front door closed. James had been strange ever since they met up after the game. He kept staring at Kevin, smiling vaguely. They'd barely entered Kevin's car when James grabbed his shirt and pulled him in for a deep kiss. “You're place or mine?” he'd asked in a husky voice.

Kevin was too hyped up and full of adrenaline from the game to think straight, practically speeding on his way back to his apartment.

He gently guided James through the entry way and living room, never breaking off the kiss. When they reached his bedroom, James finally tore himself away from Kevin long enough to push him onto the bed. Kevin bounced against the mattress and barely settled himself before James was on top of him, straddling his hips and he began planting fervent kisses on Kevin's throat.

“Uh, not that I'm not enjoying this, but maybe I should take a shower first.”

James smiled down wickedly at Kevin, making his heart race. “Why? I like you all sweaty like this.”

James whipped off Kevin's shirt then made his way down to Kevin's knees and began unbuttoning his pants. Kevin was barely able to keep up when he realized that James was lowering his head to Kevin's now free and erect member.

He grasped James's hand to still him, “Wait you don't have to do that. I'm really gross and sweaty right now.”

James looked up at Kevin, cold determination in his eyes, “I want to.” With that, he lowered his head and took Kevin's into his mouth, sucking and licking gently as Kevin usually did to him. Kevin felt himself harder further then flopped back onto the bed, losing himself to James's passionate and deft tongue.

“If you don’t stop I’m going to come,” Kevin panted.

"Hmm, that would be a waste," James said. Kevin barely registered that James was taking off his own clothes before he began to touch him again. James licked his lips and straddled Kevin’s hips, lowering himself until he enveloped Kevin within him. 

“Wait you didn’t put on a condom,” Kevin said.

“It’s better like this,” James replied and he began to move up and down, causing Kevin to harden even further. Kevin couldn’t tell the difference between his pants and James’s, his mind completely blank and focused on nothing but the sensation of being inside James. He reached out and stroked James’s shaft, eliciting a deep groan from James. He saw James reach his hand up and stroke his own nipples and his mouth went dry. James noticed and smiled mischievously, touching himself more and moaning with pleasure. 

Kevin felt his body jerk and he climaxed inside James, feeling James tighten around him, signalling his own orgasm. James slowly eased himself off Kevin and flopped on top of him, panting hard. 

Kevin stroked James's back and touched his hair, trying to think...anything. While James was usually passionate he had never been this enticing before. He finally got his breathing under control and was going to ask James what had come over him when James suddenly began to kiss him, thrusting and swirling his tongue inside Kevin’s mouth. James finally broke off the kiss and smiled devilishly, “Want to take that shower now? Together.”

Kevin found himself nodding and the two padded off towards the bathroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully this chapter makes people dislike Miles a bit less. An 'aggressive' and passionate James was pretty interesting to write.   
> But in the next chapter, the shit is about to hit the roof!


	9. Chapter 9

Kevin walked into his apartment, kicked the door shut and sighed. It had been an extra difficult day at work. Two of his kids had been caught stealing again and would have to go to back to juvie as they broke their parole. Then there had been a new kid assigned to him who was a nasty piece of work. Kevin still couldn't figure out if the kid was acting out out of anger and confusion or if his personality had already formed into an aggressive and belligerent person.

He flopped onto the couch and took out his phone, not surprised to see three messages from James asking when he was free. Ever since his baseball game three weeks ago James had become more persistent in wanting to spend time with Kevin. He called and texted everyday. The days where he would go AWOL had disappeared. Kevin didn't know if James's job, which he still hadn't frickin told him about, was on break or something.

Then there was their sex life. While they had been active before, James had become downright obsessed lately. Whenever he and Kevin met up, James would make sure to initiate some physical contact that would lead to them having sex. Sometimes they would go all the way in his apartment, or James's house, once even in James's car. Other times James would try and satisfy Kevin with his hands or mouth.

While Kevin didn't mind getting extra attention from his lover, James's recent behaviour was such a drastic change he didn't know what to make of it. He'd tried to talk to James about it several times but he kept avoiding the subject, often using sex as a way to avoid any serious conversations.

Kevin sighed and rubbed his forehead, pondering what he should do when there was a knock on his door. He got up and looked through the peep hole, groaning inwardly when he saw James on the other side. He opened the door and waved James in, noticing the bag of food in his hands.

“I figured you'd be too tired to cook so I brought you dinner,” James said as he walked to the kitchen, taking out plates and utensils.

“I ate at the station actually.”

James froze then smiled and chuckled, “Of course you did. It's so late. Stupid of me not to realize you had eaten already. I'll just put it in the fridge.”

Kevin felt a flash of irritation. James had made negative comments about himself before, but they had increased recently. James would often criticize himself for small mistakes, and Kevin didn't like seeing him tear himself down.

“It's not stupid. It was thoughtful.”

James pretended not to hear Kevin and finished putting the food away. Kevin clenched his jaw and sat down on the couch. He waited until James sat next to him before he clasped James's left hand in his own.

“James we need to talk.”

Kevin saw James stiffen slightly. “About what?”

“About you. You've been different the last few weeks. Every time I try to talk to you about it you manage to avoid the subject.”

Kevin saw James's eyes flutter and his expression dropped, his face becoming completely impassive. “I don't know what you mean.”

“Don't do that,” Kevin snapped. “Don't shut me out when I'm trying to talk to you.”

“I'm not shutting you out.” James smiled softly, as if humouring Kevin which pissed Kevin off even more. “You're probably tired from work. We should talk about this another time.” James began to get up but Kevin yanked him back down.

“We're going to talk about it now dammit!”

James's smile fell and his face became a cold mask of indifference. Kevin felt a stab of fear, uncertain how to talk to his lover when he closed himself off. He had seen James stoic but never this cold and emotionless before. He didn't know what to make of it and the thought was disconcerting. 

“And if I don't want to?” James asked in a cold voice.

Kevin licked his lips nervously, “Then we have a problem.”

James leaned back into the couch and crossed his legs, “I see. Well then I'm afraid we'll have to end things here.”

Kevin blinked in shock, unable to process what James just said. “Wait, wait. You want to break up? Why? That wasn't at all what I meant. I just want us to talk and get through this.”

“Well I don't!” James snapped, his eyes full of irritation. “I think I've been very reasonable so far. I've tried to enjoy the activities you took me to, even though they were way out of my comfort zone. I talked to your friends even though we have nothing in common. I even met the boy you are taking care of, all to make you happy. And now you tell me that's not enough? I'm afraid there's no more I can do for you.”

Kevin tried to think of a response, to figure out what James was thinking and why he was shutting him out completely.

“You're talking like being with me was a chore.”

James sighed wearily which made Kevin panic more. “In a way it was, to be honest. I never thought being with you would be so different than my normal life. I'm sorry to say I'm not comfortable with how our relationship has been progressing.” He turned his head and looked straight into Kevin's eyes, his gaze so cold it sent shivers down Kevin's spine. “Frankly, this relationship has become exhausting. I won't lie and say it wasn't interesting but the novelty has passed. I think it would be best if we went our separate ways. Good-bye Kevin.”

With that James got up and walked out of the apartment, leaving Kevin frozen on the couch, unable to fathom the stranger he just spoke to.

 

James felt his body shaking and curled his hands into fists, trying to hold back all the despair he felt as he walked down the street from Kevin's apartment. He had driven his car and parked it down the road but he knew he was in no state to drive. He'd have to take a cab and have Martin get his car later.

He turned a corner and froze, his arms stuck to his side as if with glue. He should lift his arm and hail a cab. It was so easy.

Suddenly, James began to feel his throat constricting and he grasped it, trying to force air into his empty lungs. When none was going in he staggered backwards until he bumped against a wall. He vaguely realized he'd walked backwards into an abandoned alley. He sank down to the ground and bent forward until he was on all fours and tried desperately to breath.

He began to see spots and the edges of his vision blurred. Suddenly everything went black.

A few minutes later James groggily woke up. He didn't know how long he had been lying there on the ground. Or when it had started to rain. Gingerly he sat up and leaned his back against the wall. The rain seemed almost perfect. Why wouldn't it rain when his heart was in pieces?

James felt his body go limp as he stared sightlessly into the distance. He knew this would happen, that he and Kevin would end one day. He'd originally planned to keep the relationship going as long as Kevin wanted it. But when he saw Kevin's earnest expression as he tried to get James to open up, it had been too much to handle. He knew Kevin would listen, pat him and hug him and whisper sweet words that would ease his pain. He would accept James's past and try his best to make sure James was happy.

But one day, even his heroic nature and pity wouldn't be enough to keep him interested. James knew he was beyond saving, and Kevin would realize that too, writing James off as a lost cause. Just like one of his boys who ended up going down the criminal path no matter how hard Kevin fought for them.

He'd been stupid to assume that passionate and frequent sex would keep Kevin's interest. Despite his easy going personality Kevin wasn't that shallow.

James hadn't even realized what he was doing when Kevin had pressed him to talk. He'd just felt like running away, running as far as he could. His box had opened and all his emotions went rushing in, slamming shut with a bang as if they too couldn't deal with the heartbreak James knew was forthcoming.

James felt a stab of shock then chuckled ruefully as he realized that he had been channeling his father when he broke up with Kevin. The cold eyes, the harsh words, the lies that spilled forth aimed to hurt and break the other person. Funny how the person who had destroyed him as a child is the one he sought to emulate when he was cornered and desperate. His father would be so proud.

After a while, James finally got up and walked to his car, determined to leave Kevin and all the emotions he felt the last few months behind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aw James, don't give up on Kevin!   
> There's still more angst and self pity ahead for James. I promise not to keep the it going too long. I miss the fluff but this is something James and Kevin have to go through.


	10. Chapter 10

The next day, Kevin drove to James's house, his jaw set with determination. He didn't know what the hell happened yesterday but he was going to get the truth out of James. His sudden coldness and break up speech had been too sudden, especially compared with his near obsession with Kevin the last few weeks.

Kevin pulled up to the front gates and pressed the intercom button. There was a long pause before Martin's voice finally replied, “Master James asked not to be disturbed.”

“I need to talk to him Martin. Please,” Kevin said, ignoring how pathetic he sounded begging the dragon at the gate to let him in.

Martin paused then allowed Kevin in. He met him at the front door with a neutral expression as usual. “As I said Master James said he didn't want to be disturbed.”

Kevin strode into the house, ignoring the butler’s sniff of disapproval. “Where is he?”

“The library.”

“I'll go there myself. You don't need to come.” Kevin walked down the hall to James's library, running through the speech he prepared. He'd tell James he understood why he'd freaked out, this being his first relationship and all. But people make sacrifices when they're together, share secrets and talk through their problems. He'd be patient and calm the whole time so he won't spook him. It was enough that he was going to talk to him like a child, no reason to lose his temper as well.

He walked through the doors of the library and froze. As soon as he saw James calmly reading a book in his favorite armchair he forgot everything he was going to say. He recalled James's stern expression and harsh words yesterday and how his blood had frozen. He'd spent the whole night confused and trying to get over the shock of James speaking to him as if he intended to hurt him. And that's what he'd clung onto. James had done it on purpose, to push Kevin away. At the reminder Kevin steeled himself and walked forward.

“James,” he said in a stern voice.

James slowly finished reading the sentence he was on, placed his bookmark where he stopped, laid the book on the table and finally looked up at Kevin. His eyes were like two frozen chips of ice and almost made Kevin falter again. Almost.

“I thought I made my feelings quite clear yesterday. I don't want to see you again.”

Kevin sat himself on the armchair across from James and leaned forward with his forearms on his knees. “I heard you. And now it's your turn to listen. You've been off the last few weeks. There's no point denying it. Now, it's true we still don't know everything about each other and I don't think we ever truly will. And I understand that you have your secrets, things you don't want to share. But if something is going on with you that pushes you to behave this way and break up with me I think it's worth talking about. This relationship, you and me, we've come a long way, and I love you too much to just let you go without a fight.”

Kevin watched James closely throughout his speech, feeling his heart sink when James didn't even react when Kevin finally told him he loved him for the first time.

James casually leaned back into his seat and crossed his legs, creating a barrier between them. “While your speech certainly was nicely worded, I'm afraid it doesn't change anything. You were right when you said that we don't know everything about each other. Otherwise you'd know 'this' as you call it, is how I become when I stop caring about someone. I enjoyed spending time with you the last few months. It was a novel experience and one that I'll probably always remember fondly. But being with you has become a sort of chore. The interest has worn off and I simply lost interest. I miss my stable life. I don't need you anymore.”  
the  
Kevin's eyes bore into James's, searching for any hint that the man didn't mean what he was saying, and felt his heart plummet when he couldn't detect a fleck of falsehood during his speech. Kevin began to sweat, racking his brain to think of something, anything, to change James's mind. “But, if you lost interest then why have you been so clingy the last few weeks? That's not the action of someone who is getting bored. It felt desperate, like you wanted to hang on.”

Kevin thought he saw a flash of irritation on James's face, not exactly the emotion he was going for.

“Desperate you say. I guess you're right. I was trying hard to find something, anything to hold onto. However, even though our sex life was very active, it isn't enough to stay in a relationship that was becoming nothing but an inconvenience.”

Kevin began to feel irritated himself, frustrated that he couldn't get through to the man. “I don't believe you.”

James shrugged, “Believe what you will. Truth is this is part of who I am. I hid it from you because I wanted your attention. But now that I don't need it anymore I see no point in hiding it.”

Suddenly, James leaned forward and ran his hand up Kevin's thigh, stopping near the V of his pants. “Now, if you really want to continue the physical aspects of our relationship, I can accept that. But it would have to be on my schedule. There's no point in being in a relationship of convenience if it deters my work.”

Kevin’s first instinct was to push James’s hand away, yell at him for pushing him so far. But the cold look in James’s eyes made his blood run cold. He searched James’s face for any sign of the man he had fallen in love with but all he saw was cold detachment. It seemed as if even the idea of a sexual relationship was just a way for James to pass the time. Whatever had happened, the James he knew as gone or buried so far down he couldn’t reach him. 

As if he were miles away, he felt James remove his hand from his thigh. ‘No? Too bad. Let me know if you ever change your mind.’

With that James sauntered out of the room, leaving Kevin with feelings of shock, fear, and mostly, loss.

 

 

Kevin walked into his apartment, still dazed and uncertain of what actually happened at James’s house. He had gone in wanting to talk through their issues and instead James was…..Kevin didn’t know how to describe it. He was used to the awkward and earnest James, the shy James, even the passionate James. But this cold, harsh person was completely new to him and he didn’t know how to process it. He couldn’t believe that it was James’s true nature even though he tried to pretend that it is, but he couldn't just ignore it either. 

He knew James had issues and family problems but he figured they could work through them. Now, he wasn’t so certain. And he hated feeling uncertain. One of the reasons he became a cop was to gain some control over his life. He may not be able to solve everyone’s problems but he had the authority to try. 

He opened the bathroom door and looked up quickly when he heard a rustle of movement. He barely registered the bruises on Miles’s back before the boy quickly pulled his shirt on. Kevin froze, his hand still on the doorknob while Miles looked at the floor. Kevin noticed a gash under his right cheek bone that was still bleeding slightly. 

‘Didn’t know when you were coming home,’ Miles said awkwardly. 

‘He was drunk again?’ Kevin asked tonelessly. Miles grunted in response. Kevin felt the anger from the day rushing through him and he clutched the doorknob harder to try and control himself. 

‘I told you. If you see the bottle come out you run. You come to me right away.’

‘He came home drunk. I got out as fast as I could,’ Miles said defensively, still not meeting Kevin’s eyes. 

‘You,’ Kevin didn’t know what to say and took in a deep breath, running his hands over his face. ‘I think it’s time to call social services.’ 

‘No!’ Miles yelled, looking at Kevin pleadingly. ‘You promised you wouldn’t. And he hasn’t hit me for a long time. Today, I just let my guard down. I’ll stay here for a few days till he cools off. That’s all.’

Kevin sighed wearily tired of the same argument, ‘Miles, I know you’re scared of foster care but-’

‘Damn right I’m scared of foster care. You know what happens when people are in the system,’ Miles said in a shrill voice. ‘I won’t do it. I won’t go home too often and I’ll come here, and I'll go to school. And you don't call the social workers. That was the deal.’ 

‘But this can’t continue Miles.’

‘You call them and I’ll run away, I swear!’ Miles burst out. Kevin froze. It wasn’t the first time Miles threatened to do so and every time it shook him to his core. He knew the kid shouldn’t call the shots but Kevin fought so hard to save Miles, he didn’t want to take any risks of losing him. He knew that if he backed him into a corner the boy would run, and the thought of the poor abused kid out in the world alone terrified him.

‘Your mom,’ Kevin said and stopped, knowing that was the wrong thing to say.

‘Yeah if you can tear her away from the slot machines long enough. You know she’s not an option and she goes home even less than I do.’ 

Kevin and stared at Miles for a few seconds, noticing how pale he became at the thought of losing the temporary haven of Kevin’s apartment and a less than ideal home. He was breathing rapidly, his eyes wide with fear. Kevin swallowed and nodded. ‘There’s antiseptic in the drawer. Clean up that cut.’ With that he closed the bathroom door, walked over to the couch and sank into it. 

First James rejected him and now Miles. He tried so hard everyday to help the people he cared about. He felt so helpless and powerless, just like he did in the orphanage when his friends were taken out and placed in foster care because of overcrowding, or were bullied at school, or worse, turn to crime under the influence of local criminals and gangs. Kevin tried his best to help as many kids as he could stay clean, but it wasn’t easy. He only had two friends left from the orphanage who turned out OK. 

He swore when he would become an adult that he would try his best to help as many people as he could, to show kids that there was still hope if they tried. Kevin always tried to stay optimistic, but today, he couldn’t. He sank further into the couch, wallowing in his knowledge that there was nothing he could do. 

 

 

James felt the hot splash of water raining down from the shower head and wondered if anyone ever drowned in a shower before. Maybe he should have taken a bath instead.

He leaned his head onto the wall in front of him and let the water roll off his back. He knew that he'd pushed Kevin too far; that's what he'd meant to do. Kevin felt he had to save James and would fight to the death to help him. Therefore he knew he had to push Kevin as far as he could so he would give up on him. It was for the best that they ended the relationship now rather than later. Even if he had to hurt Kevin in the process. 

He felt tears form at the corner of his eyes as he thought how that memory would be his last of Kevin. It seemed appropriate though. His parents never knew how to express their emotions, choosing to lash out at James and each other, tossing out harsh words aimed to tear the other person down and draw blood. Seemed right that James should end his relationship with Kevin the same way as well.

After standing in the shower for who knows how long James finally got out. He put on his bathrobe and stepped into his bedroom, shocked to see Martin standing near his bed with fresh clothes laid out.

“I told you I could take care of myself.”

“I know sir. I just thought I would help.”

James quickly got dressed while Martin stood near the window, staring at the front lawn.

“Master Kevin left,” Martin stated.

James didn't respond, combing and drying his hair at his dressing table.

“He seemed....distraught.” When James didn't respond again Martin finally spun around and stood behind James, the two staring at each others' reflections in the mirror. James gulped then stiffened as he saw Martin's eyes boring into his own. He'd never been able to hide anything from Martin and he valued the older man's opinion. He was the father figure James never had but there was a line drawn clearly that Martin would never cross as a servant.

“Are you going to lecture me Martin?” James tried to joke.

“Master James, I have seen a lot of despair, sadness and anger in this house since the day I stepped through the front doors. I couldn't do anything when your mother yelled at you and your father emotionally abused you while rejecting your existence. I always felt it was partly my fault that you ended up insecure and scared of people. I accepted it as my punishment for not stepping in when I should have.”

James looked at Martin in shock. Martin had never spoken directly about James's childhood before and he never knew that the older man harbored guilt over his inaction. He thought he just accepted it as his duty as a butler not to interfere with family matters.

“However, I feel like now I must step in. I have never seen you as happy as I have the last few months. True I wasn't completely welcoming of Master Kevin but that was just to let him know that you have someone watching over you. I believe Master Kevin is one of the finest men I've ever met. I like him as much as I like Master Mark. It's clear that he has a good heart and cares for you deeply. That is why I cannot understand why you are pushing him away.”

James looked away, rubbing lotion onto his hands to give himself time to think. He couldn't tell Martin the same lies he told Kevin. He wouldn't believe them.

“You are right. I have been happy. Happier than I ever dreamed I could be. And that's the problem.” James turned around and looked at Martin directly, his eyes tearing up and his throat constricting. “Right now, we're happy. But one day, the happiness will fade. You were right when you said I'm insecure and unable to have proper relationships with other people. Right now Kevin is bringing some joy out of me. But one day I'll go back to how I was. And since I am my father's son, when that day comes, I will become angry at Kevin for my unhappiness. Then...I will become like my father, to punish him for disappointing me.”

Martin swallowed, “Like you were today?”

James nodded, tears now running down his cheeks. “I have that same ability to criticize and lash out as my father. It's better Kevin finds out now than later.”

“Pardon me Master James but I don't believe it. You may share the same blood as your father but you are in no way similar to him in mannerisms. You are kind, and generous, open-minded and accept people despite their flaws. There is a reason I stayed with you all these years instead of leaving. You are one of the greatest people I've ever known and it is an honor for me to live my days serving you.”

James sobbed, covering his face with his hand, not noticing that Martin was crying silently as well.

“I can't Martin. I can't do it,” James replied in a broken voice.

The two remained there for several minutes, crying over the past they wished they could change, and the future they wished for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So much character insight in one chapter. I'm pretty proud of this one to be honest :).  
> Now, time to take steps so we can get back to the sweet romance! And it's going to take one knight in shining armour and a well-meaning best friend to bring James out of his personal prison.


	11. Chapter 11

Kevin lazily flipped through the TV channels, not paying attention to what was on.

“Agh give it to me if you're going to do that,” Miles snapped as he snatched the remote from Kevin's hand. “What's wrong with you? You've been moping for days!”

Kevin didn't reply, staring at the TV screen. Miles had been staying at his house for several days now and their argument was now forgotten. It wasn’t the first one and wouldn’t be the last. This meant he could focus his grief on one person. He'd gone over his break up conversation with James over and over and still couldn't figure out how everything went so wrong. He'd thought they'd been doing really well. Then James got weird on him and instead of talking about it he'd dumped him. Flat. Broke his heart. Gave him the boot. Kicked him to the curb. All with a cold glint in his eye, as if he didn't care about Kevin at all. Kevin groaned and sank deeper into the couch, earning a kick from Miles who'd had enough.

“That's it. We're going out. Get off your lazy ass and let's go!” When Kevin didn't budge Miles grasped one of his arms and began to tug. All that did was cause Kevin to slide sideways onto the couch.

Miles released Kevin's arm and yelled, “You're pathetic you know that! If you keep this up James is gonna dump you.”

Kevin finally sat up and looked at Miles, his eyes dull. “He did break up with me. Last week.”

Miles's mouth dropped and he stuttered, which slightly amused Kevin who chuckled softly. “Yeah tell me bout it. I still don't get what happened. He seemed so happy. Right?”

Kevin looked over at Miles for confirmation. Miles's mouth just flapped open and closed, then he nodded dumbly. Kevin sighed and sank back into the couch again. “Just leave me alone for a while OK. I need to process this.”

Miles nodded and went into Kevin's bedroom, closing the door behind him.

Kevin sat in silence for a few minutes then felt a rush of adrenaline. He sat up and pulled a notepad out from under the coffee table. He was a cop. He was used to figuring stuff out. And that's what his break up with James was, a mystery that needed to be solved. Quickly and expertly he began to create a timeline of the last few weeks leading up to the break up. They'd had a perfectly nice date at a nearby park. James had fun teaching Kevin how to play chess, displaying a great deal of patience as Kevin fumbled through several rounds.

Then he'd met Miles and...Kevin froze, remembering how abruptly James had left that day. He wouldn't answer Kevin's calls then showed up at the game the next day. They'd had some awesome sex afterwards with James taking the lead. Now that he thought of it, that was when James began to be more persistent and obsessed with sex.

Kevin tapped his pen on the table, contemplating what could have set James off that day. He didn't recall saying anything wrong. Sure Miles was shutting James out but he did that to everyone. And it's not like he said anything to James. Kevin's hand froze. Yes, Miles could have said something to James. He'd left the two of them alone to answer his phone. What the hell could Miles have said to him? And how did he get it out of Miles?

He couldn't just confront the boy. With his background, Miles would just retreat and may even cut off all contact if he felt threatened. No matter what he'd done to James, Kevin didn't want to cut the boy loose. Miles had changed a lot in the two years they've known each other and he didn't want to cause the boy any more trauma.

Finally, Kevin called out to Miles and saw him enter the room hesitantly. He refused to meet Kevin's eye. That look of guilt confirmed Kevin's suspicions. First, he had to make Miles feel comfortable.

“The Yankees are playing. Wanna watch?”

Miles shrugged and sat down on the other side of the couch, shrinking into the armrest and creating as much distance between the two of them as possible. After a few minutes of silence Kevin decided it was time to start.

“You know James was starting to really like baseball.”

“Really?” Miles said shifting on the couch.

“Yeah. He didn't like it at first. He's not really a sporty person. But he grew to like it eventually.”

Miles didn't respond so Kevin decided to press forward. “You know, he reminded me a lot of you. Innocent and naive. Thinking he has the whole world figured out. But really he was completely cut off. I could figure out a bit about his family and it looks like his parents didn't give a crap about him. I wouldn't be surprised if they emotionally abused him.”

Kevin saw Miles tense, his ears pricked up and his breathing becoming a bit shallow. Kevin could almost imagine the wheels turning in Miles's head. He wasn't a bad kid. He was actually pretty sensitive and cared more for others than he let on. Kevin knew that his words were adding to Miles's guilt, but it was better for Miles if he owned up to his mistake and asked for forgiveness than live with the guilt.

“I think you could tell but James hadn't lived much. He doesn't really have a lot of hobbies, or interests....or friends. But when I met him I could tell, there was a lot of passion inside him. He was like a butterfly waiting to come out of his cocoon. Vibrant, excited, and impatient to start it's new life. That's why he was always excited to try new things with me.”

Kevin saw Miles clench his hands so hard they were turning white. He decided now was the time to strike the finishing blow.

“With all that, I can't imagine why he'd break up with me.” Kevin turned fully until he was facing Miles, “Do you?”

Miles swallowed then looked at Kevin, his eyes wide and full of panic. “I didn't mean to!”

“Didn't mean to what?” Kevin asked calmly.

“I didn't mean to hurt him or you. I just....I couldn't stand seeing you with someone who didn't appreciate you.”

“Why did you think he didn't appreciate me?”

Miles snorted, “Come on, you saw his face when he saw your apartment. I figured he's a rich guy who's trying to slum it for a while and would dump you eventually. He looked so cold and I could tell he thought your place is a dump.”

“James can't express himself very well. That's part of the reason he has so many issues and can't get along with people. What you saw as cold disdain was James actually analyzing my apartment. You weren't with us when we went to the bedroom but he was smiling and telling me how comfortable the apartment was because it reminded him of me. How he wished his house was as inviting as this place.”

Miles looked at the ground, his face red with shame. “I didn't know that,” he said softly.

Kevin moved closer and cupped his hand on Miles's shoulder. “Miles, I need you to tell me what you said to him that day.”

Miles looked up at Kevin, his eyes full of remorse as he related the damning words that had sent James running.

 

James took a large gulp of his wine as he sat on Mark's back porch and stared at the garden. He'd considered cancelling his weekly lunch with Mark and his family but Sarah was due any day now and was adamant that she wanted to spend as much time together as she could before the baby came. 

“Easy there. You're chugging that wine down like it's water.” James didn't look up as Mark sat next to him, taking another sip of his wine instead.

“I won't get drunk that easily.”

Mark was silent for a few seconds and James could tell he was trying to decide what to say. James sighed wearily and said, “Don't bother asking. I'm fine. Just going through a few changes. It's nothing to worry over.”

“You broke up with Kevin. Your first boyfriend. Of course I'm going to worry,” Mark snapped. “Especially when it's turned you into...this.” Mark's voice sounded a bit disgusted on the last word. If James allowed himself to feel anything these days he would have been insulted. Instead he just took another sip of his wine. "I knew you were off when you were being all weird at Rose's birthday party last week, but I had no idea you were trying to figure out how to distance yourself from Kevin. You should have talked to me or Sarah. We could have helped you figure out whatever is going on with you. You didn't have to do all this alone."

“Well, if you insistent on talking about it then I'm going to leave.” James was about to get up when he felt Mark's hand slam down onto his shoulder, keeping him in place, his eyes pleading.

“Don't go. Talk to me. Tell me what happened. All you said was that you and Kevin aren't together anymore. I can't help you if you don't let me in.”

“I don't need your help,” James replied coldly.

“I think you do,” Mark said gently. “Otherwise you wouldn't have shut down so completely. You're turning into....”

James glanced at Mark, smirking, “Just say it. I'm turning into my father. Which shouldn't be a surprise. I mean he did raise me, in a fashion.”

Mark stared at James intensely, searching for his best friend behind the cold mask, “You hated him. You always talked about how miserable he made you. How cold he was. He would always lash out at you even when it wasn't your fault. He was a cruel and unfeeling bastard and you swore that you would never be like him.”

“Well, I guess the apple never falls far from the tree.”

James barely registered Mark's angry expression before his hand came flying and he slapped James hard enough that he reeled back. James stared at Mark in shock. Mark had never been a violent person and his use of it now left James speechless.

“I don't know what happened between you and Kevin and right now I don't care. What I care about is you. You may have always been emotionally awkward, but you were never mean or rude, even to people who deserved it. Even when that idiot Blake bullied you in school and threw your shoes in the garbage you just took them out and said Blake must be going through a lot to lash out at you. That's who you are James. That's why I stuck by you all these years. That's why you're Rose's favorite person and why she brought you to Show-and-Tell. That's why Sarah loves going on weekly dates with you even if she has no time to meet her friends.

“We all loved you just the way you are, awkward and bumbling and doing nothing but paint and spend time with us. Over the last few months you had changed for the better. You were laughing more, you were happy. You were finally living a real life. Suddenly you break up with Kevin, the only guy you ever loved and who brought you out of your shell, and turned into the monster your father was.

“Coward! The only reason you're doing this is because you're scared ! Scared to face your feeling for Kevin. Scared of having a real relationship with someone. Scared of getting hurt by someone you care about because your parents destroyed you.”

Mark leaned forward and gripped James's shoulders tightly, staring straight into James's eyes, “They're gone James. Don't let the damage they inflicted last your whole life. You deserve better. Sarah, Rose, and I all love you and we will never cut you out of our lives. Kevin loves you too. It's obvious. He may love you forever, or for a year or even five. But you owe it to yourself, and him, to try. To fight.”

James blinked, not realizing that he'd begun to cry at some point during Mark's speech. His body was shaking and he didn't know what to do or how to feel. Throughout the speech he'd felt that small box in his chest begin to creak open. He could feel his love for Mark and his family leaking out and taking residence near his heart. As he heard Mark say Kevin's name he saw soft tendrils of his feeling for Kevin peeking out, trying to free themselves. At Mark's plea to fight, he was too ashamed to admit that the box slowly began to close again, temporarily sealing his emotions for Kevin.

“I don't know how to fight,” James sobbed.

Mark enveloped James in a strong hug, supporting his long time friend as he cried for the childhood that had robbed him of life before he'd even begun and the love he wanted but couldn't accept.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm glad Mark slapped James because I wanted to. And if this is James channeling his father I'm glad his dad is not around to plague the story. I say this because when I killed him off in the first chapter I didn't think his dad would be such a jerk until I wrote chapter four. You'd think I'd have more control over my story but the characters are really the ones holding the steering wheel.  
> Now, on to the reconciliation!


	12. Chapter 12

Once again, Kevin found himself pulling up to the front gates of James's house, this time determined that when he left today, he and James would be back together. After his talk with Miles he felt he roughly knew how James was feeling and resolved that he would allay all of James's fears.

He rang the intercom, preparing himself to face the obstinate Martin who had probably been told not to let Kevin in. He was therefore shocked when the gates swung open without question. Nonplussed, he drove to the front door.

He was just getting out of the car when he saw Martin open the front door for him. Maybe he was going to reject Kevin face-to-face. Kevin walked up the steps, his expression set and his stance intimidating, ready to fight.

“Master Kevin. I'm glad you're here. Master James is in the library.”

Kevin felt himself deflate. Martin had never called him Master Kevin before. Had he finally been accepted?

“Um, thanks. I'll just go to him then.”

Martin nodded and bowed Kevin into the house. Kevin was just about to turn the corner when Martin's pleading voice stopped him. “Master Kevin, please don't give up on Master James. He's been hurt badly his whole life. He needs someone like you.”

Kevin looked at Martin seriously, noting the man's worried expression. He'd always thought Martin didn't approve of him, but his words and expression revealed that he had in fact accepted Kevin. Probably a while ago. He really needed to get better at reading people.

Kevin nodded, feeling his resolve strengthened with Martin's acceptance. He made his way to the library and thought he'd find James reading a book again. Instead his lover was splayed on the couch, a half bottle of bourbon on the floor and a glass in his hand. Kevin knew James wasn't a drinker, much less a heavy one. This was proof that he wasn't as OK with the break up as he tried to make Kevin believe. Smiling slightly, Kevin stepped up to the couch and looked down at James, noting the dark circles under his eyes, his messy hair and wrinkled clothes.

Kevin cleared his throat, feeling a slight satisfaction when he saw James's eyes widen and he scrambled to sit up.

“Kevin! What are you doing here?” James looked down and noticed the glass in his hand and set it down quickly on the floor. He then began to run his hand through his hair and straightened his clothes. Man he's cute, Kevin thought as he smiled widely and flopped onto the couch next to James.

“I thought I'd visit. We haven't talked in awhile and I missed you.”

James froze and cleared his throat. Kevin was glad that he'd caught James off guard before he could put on his cold mask. The poor guy was probably panicking and trying to figure out how he should behave. He saw James's shoulders straighten. Ah, so he's starting to get back into his aloof character. Well Kevin wasn't going to let that happen. He leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss on James's lips, feeling a rush of triumph when James lurched back, a look of utter shock on his face.

“What are you doing?”

“What does it look like I'm doing? I'm kissing my boyfriend.” Kevin leaned forward to kiss James again. James leaned further back until he bumped against the armrest of the couch.

“I told you weren't not together anymore,” James said simply. His eyes flitted nervously around the room as he clearly tried to collect himself.

Kevin smiled mischievously and leaned forward until there was only a few inches between their faces, their bodies pressed together. James pulled his hands up to his chest protectively and Kevin could see that his hands were shaking. He felt a swell of pity for his cowardly lover.

“You did. And I thought about it, and decided there's no reason why I have to passively agree with your decision. You may have run away from this relationship but I haven't. I love you and there's no way I'm leaving.”

“You can't do that!” James exclaimed, his eyes widening.

“Yes I can. I'll keep coming around like I used to. If you won't come spend time with me outside your house I'll bring the outside to you. I'll bring some movies we can watch, and board games we can play. I'll even borrow someone's Wii and we can play fake sports. I think you'll like baseball better when you don't actually have to hit the ball.”

“So you're going to break into my house and stalk me,” James said flatly.

Kevin chuckled, “You can think of it that way. I prefer the word wooing. Of course if you do decide that I am breaking the law you can call the police and have me arrested. Obviously I'd be fired and I'll have to find another job in another state or another profession entirely.”

James swallowed nervously. Kevin gently stroked some hair away from James's forehead and the other man flinched as if Kevin had struck him. “Of course, you won't do that. You love me too much to hurt me that way.”

James's body stiffened and he looked determinedly into Kevin's eyes, “I don't love you.”

Kevin looked at James with puzzlement. “Really? But you broke up to protect me. Why would you do that if you didn't love me.”

“I broke up with you because I was bored!” James shot back, his eyes full of irritation.

Kevin smiled and leaned forward, placing another gentle kiss, this time on James's forehead, feeling excited when he felt James shudder. It was such a relief seeing him display so many emotions after the last few days.

“Liar. I talked to Miles. He told me what he said to you.”

James's jaw dropped and Kevin could see all the coldness and determination to lash out at Kevin leave his body. James swallowed nervously and looked down at Kevin's chest, his eyes full of uncertainty. 

“Then you know that I'm not a good match for you. And that one day you're going to get bored of me.” James's voice shook as he spoke and Kevin placed his hand behind James's head and laid his forehead against James's, resting so close together they were practically breathing the same air. Slowly Kevin leaned back and moved to the other side of the couch. Now that they had gotten to the root of the problem Kevin wanted to talk to James clearly, with no misunderstandings or confusion due to physical affection.

James sat up and placed his hands in his lap, his entire body dejected. Kevin fought the urge to hug him again and reassure him that he loved him. That wouldn't work right now.

“James, from the moment I met you I knew you were passionate.” James stiffened, his whole body reflecting disbelief. “I know you don't believe it, especially since numerous people probably told you your whole life that you were a cold fish or an empty shell. But when I saw you stand up to that mugger even though he was a lot bigger than you, I was already falling for you. I fell for your courage, your spunk, especially since you were completely terrified. I thought, 'Ah, there's a guy who fights for what he wants.' I couldn't get you out of my head.”

Kevin noticed James clasp his hands tightly but it didn't stop the shaking.

“When you called me I thought I was the luckiest guy in the world. I was so nervous, trying to figure out how to ask you out when you beat me to the punch. And when we started going out, everything I felt about your courage and passion was right. You tackled every game, not giving up till you won something. When I took you to the batting cages, you tried so hard to hide how much you hated it for my sake, showing how kind and attentive you are towards other's feelings. When you told me about Mark and I saw Rose's drawings and toys in your room, I knew that you are loyal to those you care about, and you cherish your relationships. All of these are qualities that I value and was looking for in a partner. James, you're my dream lover.”

James sobbed, his head resting on his clasped hands as he cried, his whole body shaking uncontrollably.

Kevin finally came closer and hugged James tightly, resting his chin on the back of James's head. “I love you James. I don't know what will happen in the future. But I love you.”

James wrapped his arms around Kevin, crying with loud broken sobs as he sought comfort in his lover's arms.

 

James cried until he had no tears left in him. He lay in Kevin's embrace and felt like he'd been wrung dry.

“I need water.”

Kevin got up and filled a glass of water for James and brought it over. “Deja vu,” he joked.

James smiled weakly as he accepted the glass. “Seems like I keep crying onto your shirts.”

“It's fine. I have a lot more at home. I'll wear your snot as proof that I, your knight in shining armour, have slain your dragons.”

James chuckled. “My knight in shining armour huh. I used to dream about stuff like that.”

James saw Kevin stiffen out of the corner of his eye. He clearly wanted to ask James about his past but didn't want to press him and make him uncomfortable. Without thinking, James found himself telling Kevin…everything.

“My parents had an arranged marriage you know. Neither of them was really interested but for the sake of their family business they did it. And when my grandparents pressed them to have a child to continue the family legacy they forced themselves to have me.”

James looked down at his glass and drained the cup. “So it was no surprise that when I was born they didn't want me. And since they never bothered to hide how they really felt at home they let me know it. Everyday. Both my parents used to go out of town a lot for work but when they were home...there was always a tense and oppressive air around the house. It was bad enough when one was of them was home. When they were both here, the house became unbearable. My mother constantly yelled at me while my father was always cold, his words full of hatred.

“Since neither one ever wanted me, they saw no reason why they should show me any affection. I don't have a single memory of my mom and dad ever hugging me. Martin was always the one who took care of me. Made sure I was clean, that I ate, slept. Everything my parents should have done. Except show me affection as he was a servant and my parents wouldn't have approved. They saw no reason why they should bother with me as I was just a possible heir, born to satisfy my grandparents. So imagine their horror when the heir they never wanted turned out to be flawed.”

James looked over at Kevin, noticing the deep frown lines on his face and looked away. Now that he'd started he wanted to tell Kevin everything and he couldn't do it while looking at his angry and protective expression.

“The doctor said it could have been psychological or physiological, but until I was eight-years-old I couldn't speak well. I'd stutter, stammer, break down and was barely able to form proper sentences. This was a huge shock for my perfectionist parents who cared about appearances and how the world saw them. They felt I betrayed them. Their cold indifference turned into loathing and anger. Since I was already broken they saw no reason to coddle me anymore.”

“You're not broken!” Kevin snapped.

James smiled at him and covered Kevin's hand with his own, “I know that now. But when you're four and your dad snaps that you're too much of an idiot and an embarrassment to go to school it's hard not to believe his words. Martin took care of tutoring me since my parents didn't see the point. They wouldn't let me leave the house, not even to visit my grandparents. They lied and told them I was too sick to leave the house. When they'd visit I had to pretend I was too sick in bed to talk to them. My grandparents aren't nice people but I kept hoping that they'd be nice to me. They gave me presents but that was the extent of their affection. To this day I still don't know what they think of me.”

“Your grandparents are alive?” Kevin asked.

“Both my father's parents are. My maternal grandfather died eight years ago. Even after my parents died I didn't have much contact with them. I made it clear that I wasn't going to take over either of my parents businesses so they didn't see any need for me. Especially when I told them I was gay and couldn’t marry anyone to strengthen their business ties. They gave me my trust fund and the house and left me alone, telling me not to embarrass them and to live quietly.”

“But you went to school eventually,” Kevin said.

James smiled and nodded. “When I fixed my speech I called my paternal grandfather and told him that I was better, but my parents were still worried and that's why they wouldn't send me to school. My grandfather quickly enrolled me in the same prestigious school he and my dad went to. My dad was so angry. He thought I would shame him. Every day he waited for a phone call from the school or one of his old classmates to tell him that his idiot son couldn't talk. But no phone calls came and eventually my dad realized that I really was better. But having ignored and dismissed me for so long my parents saw no reason to change. But they started travelling more, telling people that now that I was not sick and older I could handle myself.”

“You met Mark at this school?” Kevin asked, clearly puzzled.

James chuckled, “I'm actually proud of this. It was more cunning than when I tricked my grandfather into enrolling me in school. I wasn't fitting in with the other rich kids. I was too introverted and scared of people to get along with them. And those kind of people could sense insecurity and went after it. They bullied me and called me names, threw my shoes in the garbage, dumped mud on me, threw my desk out of the window. Eventually it got back to my father. I told him that it would look bad for him if his rich friends sons told his business partners that I was such an easy target. So why not enroll me in a normal school. I'd be a nobody there and wouldn't cause any problems. My dad leaped onto the idea. He told everyone that I was sent to a boarding school for special children.

“Of course, even middle class kids can be cruel when you're as socially awkward as I was. I was bullied but not as badly as my old school. Then I met Mark. He was my hero. He was with me everyday, defended me, and was a good friend. He was the first one to show me that there are people in this world I can trust. The bullying stopped after that. Mark was pretty popular and charming so people just saw me as his weird charity case. And that was fine with me. I still don't know why Mark stayed with me all these years but I'll always be grateful.”

James felt Kevin clasp his hand tightly and looked up, noticing the steely look in Kevin's eyes. “He stuck with you for the same reason that Martin and I did. Because we know what an amazing person you are. And that you're worth fighting for to get through that awkwardness to your warm heart.”

James swallowed back tears. He didn't think he had any left in him. “I love you Kevin,” James said in a shaky voice. “I don't know how long we'll be together and if we'll actually love each other forever. But I love you.”

Kevin smiled and cupped James's cheek in the palm of his hand. “I love you too.” He then leaned forward and the two kissed gently, communicating all the affection and love they felt for each other.

After affirming their love verbally, they felt the need to do it physically. Kevin held James’s hand as he led him to James’s bedroom. This time, their love making was slow and gentle. Due to James’s desperation and insecurity, their previous sex had been fervent and desperate, full of uncertainty and fear. 

This time they both needed reassurance from each other. They kept touching each other everywhere, affirming the other’s presence. They murmured each other’s names, a reminder that they were together. Kevin kept going back to James’s mouth to plant light and soft kisses that made James mewl with pleasure, tears streaming down his face. Kevin kissed the tears away, knowing how overwhelmed his lover was. This made James love him even more. 

When they finally connected, their movements were slow, prolonging the connection as long as possible. When they finally climaxed they did it together, clinging to each other. 

What happened next was probably James’s favorite part of their reunion. After cleaning themselves off, Kevin had enveloped James in a big hug and pulled him to his chest. “Can you hear it?” 

James listened closely, then finally realized he could hear Kevin’s heart beat. He smiled and buried his head closer to Kevin’s chest, allowing the rhythmic beat to lull him into the first peaceful sleep he’d had in weeks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aww the fluff is back! I missed this.  
> And we finally got the full picture of James's childhood. I hope now you can all understand why James is the way he is. Shy, insecure, awkward but with an inner strength and kindness that, thankfully, is parents couldn't stamp out.  
> In fairy tales, now is the time we say 'And they lived happily ever after.' But since this isn't a fairy tale we get to see how the various relationships will unfold now that James and Kevin understand each other.  
> I'm curious to hear what you think so feel free to leave a comment!


	13. Chapter 13

“I don’t get why I have to be here,” Miles complained. 

“I told you, James wanted us to meet his best friend and his family,” Kevin replied for the twentieth time in the last week. 

“Yeah you I get. But why me?”

“Because Mark’s his family and he wanted them to get to know me and my family. And since you’re the closest thing I’ve got to a little brother you’re it.” 

Miles’s jaw dropped and he froze in the middle of the driveway to Mark’s front door. Kevin smiled and patted him on the back. “I know we don’t really talk about it but I do consider you my family in a way. Don’t you?”

Miles swallowed and nodded, not daring himself to speak. Kevin chuckled and led Miles up the rest of the front drive. It felt nice to shock the kid sometimes. He always had something to say. He felt his heart skip a beat when he saw James standing near the front door and knew he probably had a stupid grin on his face.

“Hey,” he called out. James nodded back, smiling gently. He then looked at Miles and nodded in greeting, “Hello Miles. I’m glad you came. Mark, Sarah and Rose are very excited to meet you and Kevin.” 

Miles shrugged and Kevin suppressed a sigh of frustration. Ever since he and James got back together a week ago Miles hadn’t commented at all on his relationship with James. But Kevin wasn’t naive enough to assume that he was completely fine with it.

“I know you don’t like me,” James continued, causing Miles to start slightly, refusing to lift his eyes from the ground. “And I’m not going to push you to like me or ask you to give me a chance. Kevin is important to you so you probably don’t think anyone is good enough for him, much less a rich kid with a bland personality. But I decided I’m going to try my best to be what Kevin deserves. I hope one day I can gain your approval.” 

Kevin felt himself swell with pride. James could have easily dismissed Miles, or belittled him after the way Miles treated him. But by being humble, he was showing Miles how much both he and Kevin valued him, a sentiment the boy wasn’t very familiar with. 

When Miles didn’t respond Kevin bumped his shoulder lightly with his own, prompting Miles to nod. James seemed to accept the small acknowledgment and knocked on the front door. Kevin drew in a deep breath, straightening his spine and his shirt while he was at it. 

“What are you nervous about?” Miles whispered. 

“Shut up,” Kevin hissed back. He was about to meet Mark, James’s best friend, the only person he’s ever cared about in his whole life until he met Kevin. Hell yeah he was nervous!

“Uncle James!” Kevin barely had time to register the door swinging open and the loud squeal before James staggered back a step from the force of the child who threw herself at him. 

“Hello Princess Rose. And how are you today?” Kevin felt his heart soften as he heard how soft and gentle James’s voice was when he spoke to the little girl. 

“Mommy and I made a cake!” Rose replied. Suddenly, a small head popped out near James’s thigh and Kevin recognized her from the family photos in James’s bedroom. “Is this your special friend that daddy told me about?”

Kevin cleared his throat and stepped forward, bending down on one knee so he wouldn’t tower over the child. “Yes that’s me. Hi Rose. My name is Kevin. It’s nice to meet you.” Kevin held out his hand and smiled his most winning smile, hoping no one could hear how loud his heart was beating. He couldn’t believe he was anxious about being judged by a five-year old. 

Rose stared at him and Kevin could swear the girl was analyzing him like an X-ray machine. After a few seconds she solemnly stepped forward and shook Kevin’s hand. “And who’s that?” she asked point at Miles with her left hand. 

“That’s my friend Miles. Don’t let him scare you. He’s pretty nice.” Rose stared at Miles and Kevin had to suppress a snicker when he saw the boy try to hide his nervousness. Glad to see it wasn’t just him. 

“Geez Rose cornered you at the door again. You really need to learn to either move past her or steer her in.”

Kevin looked up and saw Mark. He quickly straightened and stuck out his hand. The two men greeted each other, each one sizing the other up. 

“It’s nice to finally meet you Kevin,” Mark said. “James has told us a lot about you.”

“Same here. Thanks for inviting us. Your house looks great. From what I’ve seen so far.” 

The two men smiled at each other while squeezing each other’s hand a bit harder than they should have.

“What are you to doing?” James asked. 

“They’re being testosterone filled idiots,” said Sarah as she walked over and hugged James in greeting, moving awkwardly with her nine-month pregnant belly. “If you two neanderthals are done proving your strength how bout we all come inside.” 

Kevin watched as Rose grabbed James’s hand and led him into the house. He looked back at Miles who looked like he was ready to run for the hills. He knew how he felt. Neither of them really had experience being in a normal house with a normal family before. But if he wanted to make his relationship with James work they both had to step out of their comfort zone. Besides, it would be good for them to see how the other half lived. He motioned Miles to follow him and stepped into the house. 

Mark’s house was just as he imagined it to be. Clean, organized, comfy furniture, signs of a child by the drawings and toys scattered around the room. Homey. 

“Why don’t you show Miles around the house Rose. He’s never been here before,” James suggested. 

Rose nodded, walked over to Miles and grasped his hand. Kevin half expected Miles to shake her hand off out of shock. He could tell Miles felt rattled and was trying his best to hide it. 

“Wanna see my room?” Rose chirped.

Miles swallowed, “Sure.”

Rose beamed up at him and Kevin could actually see Miles fall for the little girl. He didn’t blame him, Kevin was falling pretty hard too. 

“So Kevin. Were you born and raised in the city?” Mark asked after the kids were gone and he was passing out drinks. 

“Yeah, in an orphanage right on Arlington street.”

“Oh I know the area,” Sarah exclaimed as she sat on the couch. “It’s a tough neighbourhood I think.”

“Yeah it is. Not exactly the best place for a kid to grow up.”

“You turned out fine though,” Sarah smiled encouragingly.

Kevin nodded gratefully, “Yes I was one of the lucky ones. Some of the credit goes to one of the workers at the orphanage. His name was Kyle. He knew how much I wanted to make a better life for myself and helped me understand how I can get on the straight and narrow and keep my nose clean. I also had some good teachers who recognized my potential as they called it and helped me out.”

“But you had to work for it,” Mark interjected. 

Kevin looked at the other man. He’d thought Mark was going to try and trip him up, embarrass him and make him realize he wasn’t good enough for James. But maybe he was just trying to get to know the guy who was in love with his best friend. Kevin nodded, “Of course I had to work hard. Everyone who wants to do something with their life has to. That’s what I tell all my kids everytime I see them. Changes won’t happen and their lives won’t get better until they try.” 

“And they believe you?” Mark asked. 

Kevin paused, his memory flipping through the boys he’d managed to save, and the boys he’d failed and smiled grimly, “Some do. Some don’t. Sometimes their situations are so bad they really don’t see the point. And that’s something they and I have to live with.”

The two men stared at each other, neither blinking until Sarah decided the topic was too serious for an initial conversation and asked James about the new flowers in his garden. The four talked for half an hour, discussing Rose’s upcoming recital at the kindergarten, Mark’s latest client, and Sarah’s due date which had actually already passed. 

“I just want to get it over with,” Sarah huffed, her swollen belly and sunken position on the couch reflecting her discomfort. James nodded sympathetically. “Speaking of due dates. Honey I think the chicken is done.” 

“I’ll help,” James said and the two men went into the kitchen to set the food out on the table. 

“Great now that they’re gone we can finally talk,” Sarah said, spinning on Kevin with a knowing look in her eye.

Kevin felt goosebumps prickle on the back of his neck. He’d thought he’d only have to worry about impressing Mark and not hurting Rose’s feeling, he hadn’t even considered Sarah.

“You and James broke up recently,” Sarah stated. 

“Yes,” Kevin replied wondering what she was fishing for. 

“He was heartbroken you know. Completely devastated. Mark and I didn’t know what to do. He tried to hide it from Rose but she knew and tried to be more affectionate. Which just made James push us further away. James is our family. I don’t ever want anything to happen again where he feels he has to shut us out.” Kevin noticed how red Sarah’s eyes were and realized she was fighting back tears. Kevin knew how hard the break up had been for him and James, but hadn’t thought how it affected his relationship with other people. 

“Neither do I,” he replied. Sarah nodded then smiled, wiping away her tears. “My god. I’m the stereotypical pregnant woman who can’t keep her emotions under control. Do you mind getting the kids? Rose’s room is the second door on the right.”

Kevin nodded and walked down the hall to Rose’s room. He was about to knock and enter but the conversation he heard made him freeze.

“So you don’t have any friends?” Rose asked.

“No. It’s fine though. I don’t really like the people in my school,” Miles replied. 

“Are they doo doo heads? Asher in my class is a doo doo head but daddy and mommy say I have to be nice to him.” 

“Yeah well my mommy and daddy don’t tell me anything,” Miles replied offhandedly. 

“You don’t talk to your mommy and daddy?” Rose asked seriously. 

There was a pause and Kevin could imagine Miles frantically trying to decide how he should answer. He could be dismissive and hurt her feelings, or give her a bland lie to preserve her innocence, or some form of the truth. Having only had experience with other orphaned children himself Kevin didn’t know how to respond to Rose’s innocence. 

“I don’t have a mommy. And I don’t really talk to my daddy. He’s not a very nice person.” 

“Uncle Kevin seems nice.” 

Kevin could almost hear the smile in Miles’s voice, “He is. He’s the best.” 

“He can be your daddy!” 

Kevin felt his heart race. It’s not that he never considered it. Out of all the kids he mentored he felt closest to Miles. But he didn’t want to push the other boy and force him to face emotions he wasn’t ready for. 

“I don’t think he wants to be my daddy,” came Miles’s reply. Kevin felt the blood rush in his ears and he almost threw the door open to deny Miles’s claim when he felt a hand latch onto his arm. He looked up and saw James next to him, holding up a finger to his lips to silence him. Kevin swallowed and nodded, trying to calm himself. 

“He might!” Rose exclaimed. Then made a proclamation only an innocent five year old can make. “He might want to be your daddy. Then Uncle James can be your other daddy. My daddy told me that Uncle Kevin and Uncle James can get married. And then you’ll have two daddys and my daddy will be your uncle and my mommy your aunt, and I can be your sister! Or cousin. I don’t know which. And there’s another baby in mom’s tummy! We’ll be a biiiig family soon.” 

Kevin felt a lump form in his throat, and looked at James, checking how overwhelmed James must be feeling at Rose’s words. He was surprised when he saw the serious look in James’s eyes. He barely had time to process it when he heard Miles sob. 

“I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to make you cry!” Rose cried out, her own voice wobbling as she fought back tears herself. 

James pulled Kevin away, allowing the two children to comfort each other. “He’d be embarrassed if he knew you heard everything and saw him crying,” James stated. Kevin nodded, uncertain if he could talk any better than Miles right now. 

James showed Kevin the bathroom, told him to come out when he had collected himself, and closed the door behind him. Kevin leaned back onto the counter and stared up at the ceiling. 

There were too many thoughts running through Kevin’s head he didn’t know what to focus on first. The fact that Miles actually wanted to live with him permanently, become his legal son. It was a thought Kevin sometimes entertained and pushed away, thinking Miles was better off without going through a possible legal battle. And things were good between him and Miles. Who knew if it would last and how their relationship would change if they were legally family. 

Then there was the idea of marrying James. He knew he wanted to spend the rest of his life with him, but marriage was never something he thought about. He saw too many marriages go south and broken homes to believe that marriage made everything work. Isn’t just being together enough? 

Kevin had a moment of sudden realization that made his blood freeze. What if James wanted to be a normal family? Marriage, kids, a mini van, soccer practices, the whole thing. James never had a real family and whose to say that seeing Mark and his family so happy didn’t make James want one as well? He was certainly good at handling Rose and probably would be a good parent. But Kevin didn’t know if he could do it. He didn’t know what being a normal family meant. He was used to parents who beat or abandoned their kids, kids who stole to survive, determined to be better than their parents but ending up that way anyway. There were kids like him, who managed to beat the system. Kevin knew how to nurture those kids, the broken ones. How was he supposed to raise one that had never learned anything about the darker side of life? 

There was a sudden knock on the door and Kevin heard Miles calling his name to come eat. Slowly Kevin shook his head, squared his shoulders and tried to hide his anxiety throughout the meal. 

 

 

James was adding the finishing touches to his latest painting when he saw his phone vibrate. He usually didn’t bring his phone into his studio but with Sarah having a baby any minute now he kept his phone with him at all times. 

He looked at the display screen and saw an unknown number but decided to answer anyway, just in case. 

“Hello,” he said.

“Hello. Am I speaking to James Evans, Miles Avery’s guardian?” a formal voice replied.

James froze, uncertain of the situation but if Miles was involved he had to do something. “Yes, this is James Evans. Is Miles alright?”

“We need you to come down to our store sir. We caught your nephew stealing from our shop.” 

James felt a flash an anger at the accusation and quickly jotted down the store’s address. It was a clothing store on one of the popular shopping streets. James barely registered the traffic lights as he sped to the store, paying close attention to the street signs so he wouldn’t waste time by getting lost. He finally reached the store and screeched to a halt, ignoring the fact that he hadn’t exactly parked within the yellow line. 

He strode into the store and took in a deep breath. He had to remain calm. It wouldn’t do Miles any good if he was emotional. He waited until his nerves were steady then walked to the manager’s office. He knocked on the door and walked in. His eyes quickly fasted on Miles, noting the boy’s defensive and hunched posture and the anger in his eyes, masking the fear James knew the boy was feeling. 

“Miles, are you alright?” James asked calmly. Miles nodded and looked at the ground, his hands clasped tightly. 

James finally looked at the store manager and felt his anger skyrocket. He recognized the type of man the manager was in an instant. He spent most of his childhood around people like him. An uptight and arrogant man who believed in appearances and liked to flaunt and abuse his power. Bullies. James hated bullies. Especially when they threatened the people he cared about. 

“Can you please tell me what this is about?” 

“Your nephew tried to steal an expensive watch that one of our workers left on the counter. Unluckily for him one of the other customers saw him and called out, causing him to drop it on the floor. I was going to call the police right away but since he’s a minor I thought it prudent to contact his guardian first.”

“Is this true Miles?” James asked. Miles shrugged, refusing to look at James.

James inhaled deeply and sat across from Miles, staring at the boy until he finally looked up and into James’s eyes. James stared back, noticing all the emotions Miles tried to hide; fear, anger, and distrust. He felt his blood rush in fury at the people who made him look like this. He wasn’t sure why Miles called him instead of Kevin but he wasn’t going to let the boy down. 

“Miles, what happened?” James asked gently. 

Miles swallowed and finally spoke, “I was trying to get a new tie for Kevin for his birthday. He needs it for when he goes to court. All his ties are pretty crap. One of the workers left the watch on the display case and walked away. I saw this guy reach over to take it and I grabbed his arm to stop him. The guy freaked out and yelled and dropped the watch. All of a sudden he started yelling that I was trying to steal it.” 

The manager snorted in disbelief, “The person you are speaking of would never steal.”

“He did!” Miles shot back. 

“What did this man look like?” James asked softly. 

“He had on a nice suit and had a clean haircut,” the manager stated. “Clearly not the type to steal.”

“Hmm, and you have security footage of Miles stealing?” James asked.

“Yes, of course.”

“And did you check it?”

The manager froze, “Well, no.”

“Then it would be, as you said, prudent to check it before accusing a young boy of theft and jail, don't you think?” James said, staring down the manager and not bothering to hide the anger from his eyes. 

The manger swallowed and started typing on his computer, finding the correct video footage. James walked behind the man’s desk and stood behind him with his arms crossed, intimidating the man by towering over him. The manager finally found the correct footage and both watched the scene play out exactly as Miles described it. 

“Well well, looks like the truth comes to light. That wasn’t so hard was it?” James said in a soft voice laced with malice. 

The manager did not reply.

“You can probably have the police dust the watch for finger prints. I wouldn’t be surprised if your ‘well dressed’ man is a common thief who dresses up to trick close-minded managers like you. Now, I think you owe my nephew an apology.”

Miles looked up at James in surprise, clearly not used to anyone apologizing to him. 

“I wouldn’t have accused the boy if he wasn’t lurking in my store dressed the way he is. He shouldn’t have been behaving so suspiciously.” 

What happened next shocked Miles, the manager, and truth be told James as well. James grabbed the man’s chair and spun him around violently, then leaned forward until there was only a few inches between their faces. James could see the flash of panic in the man’s eyes and felt a rush of satisfaction. 

“You accused my nephew, an innocent boy, of theft. You threatened him with prison. And why? Because he wanted to buy his adoptive father a necktie with money he worked for months to earn unloading boxes at a store. People like you are the problem with our world. Tiny, malicious men who judge others based on their appearances rather than their character, and making them feel like shit because they’d rather work hard and spend their money on food than expensive clothes. People like you, are the reason some people never make it out of the hell holes they were born into no matter how hard they try. Just because your pompous ass can’t stand the idea that someone who doesn’t look as sophisticated as you can be ten, no a hundred times more a man than you will ever be. Now, you will apologize to my nephew and show us that you do have a shred of humanity under all that Botox. Understand.”

The manger slowly nodded, his eyes wide with fear. James released his chair and the man quickly spun around, apologizing to Miles in a rushed voice. James nodded, put his arms around Miles’s shoulder and walked out of the store. 

They stopped in front of James’s car, neither knowing what to say. Slowly, James removed his arm from around Miles, feeling a bit uncertain now that his anger had faded. 

“Want some ice cream?” he asked.

Miles nodded and the two walked to a nearby Baskin Robbins. After receiving their order they walked over to a park and sat on a bench, watching some birds as they ate their ice cream. 

“You were pretty awesome back there,” Miles finally said in an awed voice. “I didn’t think you had it in you.”

James chuckled. “To tell you the truth, neither did I?” 

“Why’d you believe me?”

“Because Kevin told me you stopped stealing. And I knew you wouldn’t jeopardize your future by stealing again.” 

Miles nodded. “I’m guessing Kevin told you about my part time job.”

“Yes. He was really proud when you started but now he’s worried that you won’t have time for school.”

“School isn’t important. I need a job so I can make a living.”

James felt a twinge of sadness for this little boy who grew up too fast. He wanted to lecture him about the importance of school, but knew that the boy wouldn’t believe him and had probably heard the speech a million times before. 

“Do you hate all your subjects?”

“Not really. I like science. All those lab experiments are pretty cool.” Miles smiled and told James about a recent experiment that allowed them to test blood samples like police officers. “It was awesome. Out of all the subjects science makes the most sense to me cuz it actually applies to real life.”

“For me it was art. And Literature. I hated every other subject and science and math never made sense to me. That’s probably why I barely passed my classes.” 

Miles looked at James in shock. “You failed your classes at school? Didn’t you go to a posh school?”

James chuckled. “For a while. But I moved to a public school when I was your age. It was more comfortable. My parents didn’t care if I went to school or not so it was up to me to make sure I got a proper education. I had to fight in order to go to school. And I’m glad I did. Otherwise I never would have been able to go to an art college or meet Mark.”

James finished off his ice cream and put it aside, turning to face Miles, “I won’t tell you that school is the most important thing because we both know it isn’t true. But for a kid, for a teenager, it’s your only chance to experience what being a student is like. Having friends, adults looking out for you, worrying about homework. And if you like science, whose to say you won’t have a future in it.” James smiled broadly, “Maybe even as a forensic scientist at a police station.” 

Miles’s eyes widened at the future James presented. James could see the gears spinning in Miles’s head, factoring in the grades he would need and hours he would have to put in, not to mention the college expenses and training required. Miles's mouth tightened as the numbers all added up and James felt sympathy as he realized that Miles might let go of a dream he just realized he wanted. He reached over and grasped Miles’s hand, causing the boy to look up at him. 

“Kevin and I will help you any way we can. Don’t worry about money. Just focus on what you have to do.”

“Why would you help me?” Miles asked, his face set. 

“Because your Kevin’s family. And Kevin is becoming mine. I don’t know how long we will be in each other’s lives but I swear to you, I will help you achieve your dream and help you get to college if that’s what you want. Even if Kevin and I break up,” James paused and swallowed, “even if that happens I’ll leave some money in an account for you.” 

“I don’t need charity,” Miles stated firmly.

James ruffled Miles hair gently, “Miles, you and I both know the world is a tough place. If someone is offering you help, you take it. Because not many people will offer it.” 

Miles contemplated James’s words and nodded. “We’ll see.” 

James smiled and patted Miles’s shoulder as he sat back and they sat in comfortable silence watching the birds fly between the trees.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh, just when things were almost perfect Kevin had to turn into a typical commitment phobe male.  
> Interesting to see our couple once again in different places in the relationship.  
> Oh, and it was so much fun seeing a bad ass James.  
> FYI. I know I don't state the setting but it's supposed to be in the US since gay marriage is legal. Since I don't live there I didn't want to pick a specific city and use the wrong street names or something.


	14. Chapter 14

‘Here’ Kevin said as he handed a glass of water to James. James thanked him and took a long swallow. They were lying on James’s bed after an active session of love making and both were feeling content and satisfied. Kevin flopped onto the bed and started tracing circles on James’s knee. James couldn’t help but shudder, his body still sensitive to his touch. 

“Stop or I’m going to want to do it again,” James said. 

Kevin chuckled, “And that’s a bad thing.”

“It is actually. I have to go somewhere for my work tomorrow.”

James felt Kevin’s hand freeze on his knee and looked over at him. In the last few days since they had lunch at Mark’s house Kevin had looked very contemplative. When James asked him what was wrong he would just say it was nothing. He wasn’t emotionally withdrawn but it was clear he had a lot on his mind and didn’t want to talk about it. James felt a bit anxious, wondering if it was about him then pushed the thought aside. He promised Kevin that he would open up his heart completely and he was going to keep trying, despite his insecurities. 

Kevin suddenly sat up and looked at James with a resolute expression. “What is your job exactly? You’ve never told me and I kinda got the feeling you didn’t want me to know.” 

James slowly put his glass on the bedside table. Throughout the months they were dating, James had slowly revealed bit and pieces of himself that he never showed anyone. This was another one of those secrets that he needed to tell Kevin if they really were going to work. 

He got up and put on his dressing robe, motioning Kevin to follow him. They walked down the hallway until they reached the door to James’s studio. James retrieved the key from the small side table next to the room and unlocked it. He took a deep breath, stepped into the room and walked to the center of the room before he finally turned around to see Kevin’s reaction. 

Kevin was looking around at the numerous paintings on the wall. Most were completed while one wall had paintings that James had abandoned until he got inspired again or discarded completely. His work station was organized as always, taking up most of the center of the room with numerous paint tubes, brushes, a few easels and some half blank canvases. 

James wondered what Kevin thought of his passion and was mustering up the courage to ask him when Kevin finally spoke. “You painted all theses.” It was a statement rather than a question.

“How can you tell?” James asked curiously. It was obvious the room was his but he wondered if there was something in the paintings that made Kevin so certain James painted them.

“Because they feel like you,” Kevin stated simply. James continued to stare at Kevin, waiting for...he didn’t know what. There was something he wanted but he wasn’t sure what it was. 

Kevin walked over to a row of paintings of various nature scenes. He stood in front of one of a lake with a farmhouse next to it and a forest. ‘Like this one. Just like you, the setting is peaceful and serene. I can imagine a happy family living on this farm, swimming in the lake everyday.” Kevin smiled and walked over to another paintings of a waterfall. “This one too. They all have that calm feelings. An expert would say it’s your style or the colors you use but to me, I just feel the serenity and calm that’s such a big part of you.”

Kevin walked over to the other wall, this one with paintings of people in city settings. He walked past a few of them before stopping at one of a crowd crossing an intersection. “This one shows how you see the world. It’s busy and bustling and full of life. It’s clear from the colors and the way people are moving. You can see some people are laughing and excited while others are frantic to get somewhere. I can also see how much you wish you could be part of it all.”

James tried to speak past the lump in his throat, “People can’t move in a painting.”

Kevin laughed, “Yeah but you make them look like they do. I don’t know how you do it but you do.” Kevin turned around and looked around before his eyes settled on James again. “Do you actually sell them?” 

James nodded, steadying himself with practical answers, “Yes. I started when I was fourteen. My parents didn’t know and just thought I was wasting my time in this room doing nothing. When my grandparents told me they wanted me to learn the family business after my parents died, I showed them pictures of my art works in exhibitions and explained how much I loved painting. I told them I didn’t need their financial support and I had enough to live on my own if need be. They said it would be embarrassing if people knew they had disinherited me after losing my parents. Hence why they gave me my trust fund.” 

“Classy. I’m guessing you do it anonymously. I can’t picture you going to art shows and talking to investors and fans.”

James smiled, “You know me so well. I go under the name ‘Hope.’ No one really knows who I am except my manager. I met him when I was at an art gallery when I was thirteen. He saw my sketchbook and asked to look at it. He said I had a lot of potential and to come see him once I figured out my own style. I went back a year later and he laughed and said, ‘Hope suits you. I can see it in your paintings.’ After that he started showing my art to local art dealers. I’m not famous or anything but I do have a good reputation and people do come and see my exhibits and buy my paintings.” 

James took a deep breath. He’d been so nervous about showing Kevin his art work. The man was so perceptive and would easily be able to strip away James’s layers and see the feelings and desires he tried so hard to keep hidden. The thought had terrified James. He still felt a bit nervous, especially as Kevin did start analyzing the paintings and saw James in every single one. But at the same time he felt...safe. He knew Kevin would only use what he learned today to understand James more, to get to know everything about him. Because he loved him, not to hurt him or taunt his meager dreams. 

James was so lost in thought he didn’t notice when Kevin stopped in front of some paintings. James walked over to see what had caught his attention then started and his ears reddened in embarrassment. 

“What happened here?” Kevin asked gently. It was the painting he’d smeared in black. 

“There..there was a paintings that didn’t work out. I ended up painting over it.” James looked away, hoping Kevin would let the matter drop. But he knew it was just wishful thinking. 

“What was it about?” James knew that Kevin felt there was something more to the painting and wouldn’t stop till James told him everything. 

“It was a painting of you and me. Watching the sunset at the beach like you talked about. When we...broke up I couldn’t look at it again so I painted over it.” 

“Hmm. Well now you have to paint another one of us,” Kevin said brightly.

“I have more,” James replied softly. Kevin’s eyes widened and he begged James to show him the paintings. James sighed and walked over to the closet where he had hidden all his paintings of Kevin after their break up. All twelve of them. 

He stood there anxiously as Kevin took in the numerous paintings. Some were of Kevin alone, laughing and his eyes shining with happiness. A couple showed Kevin with Miles, their close relationship and affection evident, while three were of Kevin and James together, walking through a forest, walking down the street, and one lying in bed, their arm around each other. 

James’s entire body felt warm despite the cold air in the room and his thin robe. He’d tried so hard until now not to show Kevin how much he really meant to him. As if by keeping the extent of his love hidden he could protect himself from any heartbreak. These paintings were proof of just how deeply James cared for Kevin, and he prayed that it wouldn’t scare him away. 

Kevin couldn’t stop staring at the paintings. Before, he told James he could see how he felt in his paintings. And he still could. He could sense the love and longing James had for him in each painting. But he could also see himself. There was his affection for Miles in the painting of the two playing baseball, his optimism in the simple profile ones, his stubbornness and competitiveness in one where he was playing in a baseball game. Each painting revealed a different side to Kevin and he understood why James had hesitated for so long to show him any of his paintings. It was one thing to get to know each other and do stuff together, it was another to have your personality out on display. 

“Does it scare you?” James’s uncertain voice came from the doorway. 

Kevin finally looked at James, “No.” He couldn’t say anything more and he didn’t think either of them needed anything else. James smiled and held out his hand. Kevin grasped it and the two walked back to his bedroom. 

 

 

Kevin walked out of James’s bedroom the next morning, sated physically and emotionally. Last night was another big milestone for them and both had needed soft gentle touches to reflect the tenderness they were both feelings towards each other. 

James had left early, too early in Kevin’s opinion, to go paint some birds that were migrating. He said he would be back in the late afternoon. Kevin figured he’d grab some breakfast, spend some time with Miles and then maybe the three of them could have dinner together. He was about to go downstairs when he noticed that the door to the studio was open. James had told him last night that he could go in anytime he wanted as long as James wasn’t working inside. 

Kevin walked into the room, once again amazed by how talented his lover was. He didn’t think he’d ever get bored looking at all the paintings. He walked around the room smiling when he noticed that there was a covered canvas on one of the easels. Kevin hesitated. If James covered it then he probably wasn’t done with it. But he’d told Kevin he could come in anytime and he was curious about the steps to create a work of art. His decision made, he walked over to the easel, pulled the tarp off, and froze, gripping the tarp tightly in his fist. 

It was just a sketch but it looked completed. It showed Kevin what he had feared when he was at Mark’s house last week. It was the family James wanted. There was Kevin and James and Miles, sitting in James’s library, listening to Miles tell a story. They were all smiling and Kevin had his around James’s shoulder. The atmosphere was cozy, warm, and full of familial love. 

Kevin felt his heart race. He’d tried not to think too hard about James and marriage all week so having this painting that clearly reflected James’s hope for a family felt like a punch to the gut. James was clearly thinking about the future but Kevin couldn’t do that. He had always believed in living one day at a time, making the best of the present. Kevin didn’t want to let James go. Or Miles. He wanted them to be together. But he didn’t know if he had it in him to be one big happy family. He couldn’t think that far ahead. And what if they grew to resent each other one day? 

He knew he was being a hypocrite. He’d allayed James’s fears about their future and now he was panicking himself. Well, he’d just have to stop panicking then. James never said he wanted a family and marriage, and Kevin sure as hell wasn’t going to bring it up. When the day came, if James asked about it Kevin would deal with it then. Until that happened, they’d continue as they have. His face set with determination, Kevin pulled the tarp back over the canvas, vowing to forget the painting and all the feelings contained within it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2 more chapters left!  
> Thanks to those who stuck with the story so far. We're almost at the end.   
> Feel free to write a comment and let me know what you think.


	15. Chapter 15

“Miles do you like the chicken?” James asked. 

Miles nodded, too busy shoveling food into his mouth to respond. James laughed and took a bite of his own chicken. It was Miles’s first time at his house and James had been anxious given Miles’s previous antagonism and he wasn't naive enough to believe that Miles now liked him after he helped him with the arrogant manager. He knew these things took time. It seemed Miles was as nervous as James though. He had tried to hide how uncomfortable he felt at first in the big house, especially when Martin offered to take his coat. He’d calmed down once he saw the video games James had especially purchased for him. 

“If you’d like you can come again next weekend and we can swim. I have a pool in the back of the house.” 

Miles froze, his face flushing slightly. “I don’t know how to swim,” he mumbled.

James felt a stab of guilt for embarrassing the boy. Just like he hadn’t experienced a lot in his life, Miles had missed out on a lot as well. 

“I can teach you. If that’s alright,” James offered hesitantly. 

Miles looked at James and he held his breath, uncertain how the boy would respond. “Sure,” Miles finally said, taking another bite of chicken. “As Kevin always says, it’s good to learn something new.” 

James smiled at the same victory and glanced over at Kevin to share the moment, his smile dropping at Kevin’s blank expression. Since he’d arrived, Kevin had seemed absent. James had tried asking him about it but Kevin only smiled and replied that he just had a lot on his mind. 

Some of James’s anxiety must have shown on his face because Miles suddenly bumped his elbow into Kevin’s, startlingly the man. 

“Yo. Earth to Kevin. Are you going to spend the whole night sulking or actually join us?”

“I’m listening,” Kevin said. 

“No you’re not. And you’re making James worry.” James started. He hadn’t expected Miles to notice or care about how he felt. Maybe the boy was finally warming up to him. 

“You’ve been like this all week,” Miles continued. Suddenly, he got up and picked up his plate. “I’m going to the family room and watch some TV. You guys should talk.” 

James stared after Miles, grateful for the boy’s consideration and willingness to give up some of his time with Kevin for James’s sake. Once Miles was out of sight James looked at Kevin, noticing how he was picking at his food and avoiding James’s eyes. James felt a twinge of irritation. 

“Well.”

“Well what?” Kevin said, still refusing to look up. 

“Are you just going to sit there like a petulant child or will you actually look and talk to me.” 

Kevin’s head whipped up, “I am NOT a petulant child.” 

“Well you’re acting like one. And I’m tired of baby-sitting you.” James softened his stern expression. “All week I’ve asked you what’s wrong and you have refused to say anything.”

“Because it’s not something I want to talk about,” Kevin said, grasping his fork like it was a weapon. His entire body language screamed his determination to fight it out. This could get tricky.

James sighed and sat back. “It was a mistake to show you my paintings.” Kevin started, clearly this wasn’t what he expected James to say. “You kept going on and on about how we have to trust each other and confide in one another. I was stupid to take what you said seriously and introduced you to Mark and showed you my paintings, the mirrors into my soul. If I knew you weren’t going to reciprocate I wouldn’t have done any of it.” 

James felt some satisfaction when he saw Kevin’s eyes widen with panic, “No! Don’t you ever regret letting me in.” 

“Then what? You didn’t like any of it? Did my paintings scare you? Do you want to break up?”

Kevin dropped his fork and clutched James’s left hand. “No,” he stated firmly. “I don’t want to break up. I felt beyond happy when you showed me your paintings yesterday. I was touched that you would trust me with them.”

James looked at Kevin solemnly and covered Kevin’s hand with his right hand. “Then why do you deny me that pleasure, of knowing that you trust me enough to tell me your concerns. I wouldn’t push so hard if it was nothing, but it’s been bothering you all week and you’ve been so absent. It feels like you're pulling away.”

Kevin swallowed, “You’re right. It’s not fair.” 

What Kevin was going to say next would always be a mystery for both of them as James’s phone rang. James looked at the display, his heart pounding when he saw Mark’s name flash on the screen. He let go of Kevin’s hand and snatched up the phone, his voice strained. 

“Is it time?” he asked.

He could hear Mark’s frantic movements in the background, “Yep, it’s time. Sarah’s water just broke. She’s had contractions for a while and we’re taking her to the hospital now.”

“I’ll meet you there.” James hung up and got up, rushing out of the room. “Sarah is in labor. I have to go to the hospital.” 

“We’ll come too,” Kevin said, following James into the hallway. James was about to say no when he noticed Miles in the living room doorway. “Me too,” the boy said. 

James nodded and the three got in the car and sped off. They arrived at the hospital twenty minutes later and headed straight for the maternity ward. James saw Mark and Rose and walked over to them. 

“Hey I’m here. You can go in Mark. We’ll stay with Rose.” 

Rose ran over to Miles and hugged him. “Mommy is in pain,” she said, her voice trembling. The three men froze, trying to figure out what to say to the little girl. Miles bent down and looked into Rose’s eyes. “Have you ever gotten hurt before?”

Rose nodded, “Once I fell off the jungle gym. I sprained my ankle. It hurt a lot.”

“But then the pain stopped right? And your leg got better. That’s what’s happening to your mom. She’s in pain now but after the baby comes out she’ll be fine. And you’ll have a new brother or sister.” 

Rose nodded and Miles ruffled her hair. “Why don’t we go get some chocolate.” Miles looked up at the three men who still stood frozen and smirked. “I got this guys.” He extended his hand and James gave him some money, then the two children walked off to the cafeteria holding hands. 

Mark cleared his throat in embarrassment, “Well, I’d better get going.” 

“Mark,” James said, “Tell Sarah good luck from me. And that we’re all excited to see her afterwards. And the baby.” 

Mark smiled and patted James’s shoulder before he walked away. Kevin and James sat down awkwardly, uncertain how to continue when their earlier conversation had been interrupted. 

“Miles is really good with Rose,” James finally stated. 

Kevin nodded. 

“He’d make a great big brother I think,” James continued. He saw Kevin stiffen out of the corner of his eye. He turned in his seat to face Kevin. “Is that why you’ve been acting so weird? Because Miles gets along with Rose? No, that doesn’t make any sense.” 

“I don’t know how to be a family,” Kevin blurted out. 

James stared at Kevin incomprehensibly. “OK. What brought this on?”

Kevin sighed and ran his hand through his hair in frustration. “It hit me the other day that you may want to get married and have a family. It freaked me out because….I don’t have one. I don’t know what being a family means and how it works. I don’t know how to be a husband and father.” 

James stared at Kevin. He knew that to Kevin, his words made sense but James couldn’t understand him. “So, you’ve been anxious because you think I want to get married and you don’t think you know how.” 

Kevin nodded.

“Well, that’s stupid,” James stated simply. Kevin spun around, his expression shocked. 

“It’s not stupid. It’s something important we need to consider if we’re going to be together.” 

“So you are thinking of breaking up with me,” James said in a flat tone. 

“No! That’s not….I wouldn’t be talking to you about this if I did,” Kevin bent down and placed his face in his hands, letting out a deep breath of frustration. 

James stared down at his anxious lover and would have laughed but it would just irritate Kevin more. Who knew that their positions would become reversed and Kevin would be the one with anxieties. Kevin had been patient and helped him when he was struggling alone, so James could only do the same. 

“Why do you think you can’t do it? Be a father and husband?” James asked.

“Because, I don’t know how.” 

“What makes you think that?”

“Because I never had a dad. And most of the kids I work with don’t have decent parents either. I didn’t grow up with good role models around me.” 

“Hmm,” James said, crossing his legs as he contemplated Kevin’s words. “Then based on that logic I won’t be a good husband and father either. My role model was a workaholic, emotionally abusive jerk. Who's to say I won’t do that to my own husband and child.”

“You won’t,” Kevin said firmly. 

“How do you know?” 

“Because I know you. You’re kind and generous. You treat Mark and his family as if they’re your own. You would do anything for them. Hell you even risked getting attacked by a mugger to get a stupid ring back for Sarah. And you’re patient and kind to Miles. And me. I can tell you would make a great parent.”

James smiled warmly and took Kevin’s hand in his own, “And that’s how I know that you’ll be a great one too. Neither one of us grew up with good parental figures. We struggled to make something of ourselves and be happy all on our own. And I think we turned out pretty great. And I’ve seen you with Miles and how you talk about your kids. You care about every single one of them as if they were your own. You have what it takes to be a good parent.” 

Kevin tightened his fingers’ around James’s and the two sat in silence for a couple of minutes. 

“You’re right,” Kevin finally said. “We’re not our parents and we are decent people.”

“And we’ll figure out how to be a family when the time comes on our own. We’ve gotten this far.” 

Kevin chuckled and kissed the top of James’s head, “Yeah we certainly did. I bet you didn’t think we’d ever get here.”

“Not a chance,” James said and the two laughed. 

They spent the next few hours playing Go Fish with a deck of cards Rose packed. Every time Rose got anxious Miles did his best to calm her down. Seeing Miles get along with Rose made Kevin realize how true James’s words were. Just like him, Miles didn’t grow up with a good father or any decent adults around him. He also wasn’t used to other children, especially one like Rose. But here he was, taking care of her and soothing her fears like he’d been doing it his whole life. If the kid could step out of his comfort zone and grow as a person then so could Kevin. 

Rose and Miles were dozing off, with Rose’s head on Miles’s lap when Mark stepped through the delivery room doors in a smock. James and Kevin quickly got up, jostling Miles and Rose awake. Rose ran over to Mark and hugged his leg and Mark wrapped an arm around her. 

“It’s a boy,” Mark said, his eyes shining with tears and a trembling smile on his face. All of them cheered, Rose jumping up and down with excitement. 

“How’s Sarah?” James asked. 

“She’s fine. Tired but fine. You can all go see her in a few minutes.” 

“I wanna see the baby,” Rose exclaimed. Mark chuckled. “You’ll get to see him after they clean him up and everything.” He then looked up at James, his expression gentle. “Sarah and I have a name ready. We decided on it years ago when she was pregnant with Rose but couldn’t use it. We named him James.”

James felt his entire world spin and his blood was rushing. He thought he’d misheard Mark but the beaming faces around him verified what he’d heard. 

“You...you named him after me?” James said, his voice trembling as his body began to shake. 

Mark nodded. For years, James would always be embarrassed of how hard he cried that night, with Kevin hugging him and laughing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aww it's so cute seeing Miles and Rose together. And I love how confident my little James has gotten, telling Kevin he's stupid and finding amusement in their concerns for the future. Shows how far he's come.   
> The last chapter is actually a short and sweet epilogue. Enjoy!


	16. Epilogue

One Year Later

“I told you, you don’t have to come,” Miles said in exasperation. 

“It’s your first science fair. And you actually made something great. Of course I’m coming,” Kevin replied. 

“So if my project sucked you wouldn’t come.” 

“Welp,” Kevin said ruffling Miles’s hair. He was still amazed how much the boy had changed in the last year. It wasn’t just that he got taller, he was also lighter somehow. Kevin liked to take part of the credit. Once he and James had talked that night Baby James was born, Kevin had asked Miles if he wanted Kevin to adopt him. He’d been shocked by the boy’s fervent confirmation that he wanted Kevin to be his father. Kevin had felt guilty for never bringing up the subject with Miles before and he didn't waste any time after that to make up for it. It could have gotten ugly if Kevin hadn’t made a few veiled threats to Miles’s father about social services and jail time for child abuse. The whole process had taken less than a month between Kevin’s frantic actions and connections with the local court house. 

“So, when are you gonna ask James to marry you?” Miles’s question jolted Kevin out of his thoughts. 

“I told you before, we decided to wait.”

“Yeah a year ago. How long are you going to wait? We practically live with him anyway.”

Kevin knew Miles’s words were true. They spent most nights at James’s house. Miles even had his own room. And they had listed James’s house as Miles’s on the boy’s school forms so he could go to the public school near his house. It was the same one James went to and he and Kevin agreed it would be a good environment for the boy. 

“I’ll talk to James and see,” Kevin said. He then pointed a finger sternly at Miles, “And you stay out if it. Understand?” 

Miles nodded but his brow was furrowed, indicating that this argument was not over. 

 

James added the last blue stroke to the painting he was creating of the dolphin show he saw with Miles and Kevin last week and took a step back. Miles had never seen a dolphin before and been so excited James couldn’t help creating this painting for him. He hoped he liked it. James looked around his studio, surprised by the various new paintings he’d made the last few months. Since Kevin adopted Miles, the three have gone on a lot of new adventures and it was all reflected in James’s artwork. 

James cleaned off his brushes and left the room, closing the door behind him. 

“Hey,” Kevin said. 

James smiled warmly, “Hello yourself.” 

“You busy?” 

James shook his head. “Do you need something?”

“I want you to come with me somewhere.” 

James nodded, his curiosity increasing when Kevin asked him to wear a blindfold in the car. 

“Is this like one of those mobster movies you showed me. You’ll take me to an abandoned warehouse where I’m never heard from again?”

James heard Kevin chuckle, “Do you trust me so little?”

“I trust you with my life,” James replied seriously. He felt Kevin reach over and grasp his hand, squeezing it gently. 

They drove for half an hour before Kevin finally stopped the car. “We’re here. Keep the blindfold on.” 

“You’re going to make me walk blindfolded?” 

“Don’t worry. I’ll guide you properly.” 

Once they got out of the car, James looped his arm through Kevin’s, holding on firmly. His anxiety lessened gradually as he felt Kevin’s firm grasp and his soft voice guided him carefully over a small obstacle and through some sand. At least he thought it was sand. He was certainly sinking enough for him to think it was. 

“OK, you can take off the blindfold,” Kevin said. 

James quickly removed the blindfold and stared blankly when he saw the ocean in front of him. 

“What’s going on Kevin?” 

“I remembered how you described that painting you smeared, the one with us at the beach while the sun set. I thought we should come see it together.” 

James smiled and kissed Kevin on the cheek, “That’s sweet.” 

“Just ten more minutes.” They stood in silence, staring at the water, the waves rolling gently up the shore and back. James wishes he had his sketch book. 

“It’s starting,” Kevin said.

James felt his heart skip a beat as the sky began to redden slightly. He’d seen sunsets before but they always seemed different to him. That’s probably why he had so many different paintings of them. After a few minutes, the sky appeared like a roaring flame, deep red trickling into a vibrant orange with small streams of yellow at the tips. 

“James,” Kevin’s voice spoke gently next to him. 

Slowly, James turned around, still mesmerized by the majestic sunset. All thoughts flew out of his head when he saw the simple silver ring Kevin held out. He felt his breath catch in his throat and his heart was racing. He couldn’t speak even if he tried. He wrenched his eyes form the ring to look at Kevin, his question in his eyes. 

Kevin looked back seriously, “When we met, I was captivated by you. You were so strong and passionate. And everyday the more I got to know you the more I fell for you until I couldn’t stop thinking about you. I wanted to show you the world, let you experience new things and learn new things with you. I never thought I would ever love anyone, much less want to get married and have a family. But I want that. With you. So, James Evans, will you marry me?”

James knew he was crying and couldn’t stop, nodding his head as he finally croaked out, “Yes. Yes I want to marry you.” 

Kevin smiled, slipped the ring on James’s finger then kissed him. The kiss was gentle but firm, reflecting their relationship perfectly. Kevin pulled back and wrapped his arms around James’s waist, lifted him in the air, and began to twirl them in circles. They both laughed joyously, their bodies silhouetted against the auburn sky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it! My first baby is done! I hope you enjoyed it as I certainly had fun writing it.   
> I can gush for a while about why I love my story considering it's been in my mind and altered so much over the last few years so I'll stop here.   
> I'm currently trying to come up with a sequel for Miles, but I'm also thinking about 3 other stories I came up with years ago and really want to write. Since I found this website, I finally found an outlet to post my random stories and can't decide which ones to write first. One is a fantasy, one military themed, and one set in a revolution/post apocalyptic style world.   
> I hope you read whatever I write when I finally decide and write it.   
> Feel free to comment on this story and let me know what you think.


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